100 Long Days
I just want to start off by thanking everyone in May of 2016. I would not have made it this far without you guys.
Bare with me here, this may get a little lengthy, I never seem to have too little to say.
A little bit of background on myself: I’m 25 years old, and have been in the United States Navy since I left high school. I’m a nuclear operator, and after my two years of nuclear training, I was assigned to the USS Columbus, a fast attack submarine, out of Pearl Harbor, HI. This is where my pitfall into nicotine began. I used for the first time at work on the submarine late one night, and the stressful, often monotonous, environment of the submarine kept bringing me back to the can. Now, I only used for about 3.5-4 years, so my quit may have gone much more smoothly than some of the other BAQs on here, but even while I used, I knew how awful it was for me, and I had the desire to quit. Mainly because I didn’t want to upset my new beautiful wife, or place stress on a long, healthy life with her and my future family. For a while, I was ninja dipping whenever I could. My wife knew that I “sometimes did it at work.” Though she didn’t understand the extent of my can a day addiction, and the effort I placed into throwing a dip in every now and again even while I wasn’t at work. I knew I had to quit, and I had to figure out how to now before I got in too deep, or got tangled in my own addicted web of lies, and caused potential permanent damage to my young marriage. Enter KTC.
I googled ways to quit dipping, and KTC was the first thing to show up, so naturally I browsed around. I made an account, and started reading though the forums. I was skeptical at first, but I was interested in giving it a shot. When I first signed up, I wasn’t quite ready to throw that can away, so I ghosted around for a couple of days before finally having that “Fuck this” moment. I threw the can away, and posted my Day 1 on January 30th. 100 Days ago today.
The first couple of days quit we’re rough, as most of you know. The cravings were awful. I wanted it bad. But I was determined to give this place a shot. At the time, I wasn’t fully aware of what giving my word EDD really meant, but it was more sheer willpower of being able to count the days I’ve been quit. About a week into my quit, after the initial shock wore off, I then went into a phase of “I don’t think I can do this whole roll every morning shit.” Between the days of 7 and about 40, I honestly didn’t know how long I would last here. I thought it was ridiculous have to post roll every morning, and even more ridiculous that people were getting yelled at for being late, or forgetting, or giving shitty excuses. I’m in the military, I get yelled at enough. I don’t need this shit at home too. There were days I almost gave up on this place. I think it was around day 35-40 when I started to see what really mattered here.
As I mentioned before, I’m a submariner. Submariners go through a qualifying process to earn what we call our ‘Dolphins.’ The insignia that we wear on our chest that makes us a part of a brotherhood for life. Any submariner that has earned those Dolphins have gained the trust of all submariners all over the world. Those Dolphins show that we have faith in that person to save our life if it came to it. And we count on it. I’ve been in many situations on the three deployments I’ve been on for those dolphins to reign true, and I’ve been able to count on my brothers to do what they need to do for me to come home and see my family again. Around day 40 at KTC, I saw that what really counts here is the brotherhood gained from it. Just like I can count on fellow submariners to save my life EDD, I count on my KTC brothers to save my life EDD. And they have. Here I am, 100 days later, nicotine free, because of the lifelong friendships and brothers I made out of May 2016 who know what I’ve been through, actually care about my life, and keep me accountable every fucking day. So it was around day 40, when I realized this, that I started to become excited and proud to post my promise EDD, and will continue to do so far into the foreseeable future.
Almost done, I promise.
As I also mentioned before, my quit may have been a little easier thus far than some others. I only used for about 3.5 years, and soon after I started my quit, I went on a two month long road trip with my wife to change duty stations from HI to NY, where I was with her 24/7. So it was literally impossible for my to do any ninja dipping, so the ability to cave wasn’t even an option. I also had the wicked sweet chance to meet a couple of my May 2016 brothers on this road trip to make my accountability and quit even stronger. Shout out to Texasyeti and NJohns23! (Mini shout out to QuitConstruct and Big_Whit for the narrow miss) So nicotine was pretty far from my thoughts at this point. So the middle of the road days of my quit we’re pretty easy. After my initial craves, and addict denial of need for this site, I didn’t really struggle all that much with my quit. It actually wasn’t until I started my new job in NY, around day 90, that my quit was actually tested for the first time. I went through a week and a half of death by power point, where the other guys in the room sat there and passed around a can the whole time. I was the only one there without a packed lip. It was rough. But I stuck by my daily promise, and immediately brought this up to my brothers when I got home, and they did what I would expect them to do, and am sure will always be there to do. They slapped some fucking sense into me real quick.
Moral of the above anecdote: It doesn’t matter how far into your quit you are, the Nic Bitch can sneak up on you at any time. Though my quit had been easy thus far, I was just a week and a half from the HoF before the roughest patch of my quit. My May 2016 brothers were there for me when I needed them most, and I’m thankful for that everyday. They will always be there for me when I need them, just like I’ll always be here for them when they need me. Or any other person here. If you’re reading this, this is an open invitation. If you’re here, and willing, and post roll EDD, you’re just as important to me as my submariner family. We’re brothers, and I’m here to save your life, just like you’re here to save mine.
I made it.
Quit, but not cured. I’m going to continue to post roll EDD, and be here for future baby quitters, and vets alike who may fall into the Nic Bitch’s traps. Never be afraid to reach out. We’re all here for you.
Thanks for reading.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Davalin