2009 HOF Speeches

On The Way To a New Life – 100 Days and Counting

KTC Logo BlueI was a lurker at first; I looked at this site for a few days reading what I could without joining. I started dipping when I was about 8 yrs old. I have had tobacco in my life for close to 38 years. I was a lurker because I was scared. I quit 16 years ago for 30 days; my daughter had some health issues and she had to go spend a couple days in the hospital. Well I went back to my friend the Skoal can. I thought no problem I can quit any time I want I had already done it for 30 days so it was no big deal. That was the biggest lie I every told or believed. I tried a few times and I could not get past 1 or 2 days. My company made a no tobacco policy a few years back it was supposed to stop the smoking and chewing in the buildings and in the trucks. That was pretty much a joke most of the guys did one or the other or both. So enforcement at work is pretty lax, ok so I don’t need to quit for work. So why did I quit? I have 2 wonderful daughters both are involved with anti – drug and anti – tobacco groups. I told them don’t start using tobacco it is a bad habit and it can kill you. They both agree that they would not use drugs or tobacco. My oldest daughter finally got up enough nerve to ask me if it is so bad why you don’t quit? I told her it is not easy to quit but I might try. That got me thinking so I started searching for info on the web and stumbled across this site. This is the only site that I found that told me what I was facing it had a timeline of what to expect and when. I have tried the Nicotine gum to quit a few times that made it worst in my book. The info here pointed towards the cold turkey quit, so the goal was to go cold turkey and on top of that no fake stuff either. Now let me tell you I am a self-sufficient guy I don’t reach out for help much. So my plan after spending a few days at the site was I would just do my quit my way by myself with no support from this site.

The quit date April 1, 2009 I picked April fools day because I would remember the day. I told no one that I was quitting I would make this work somehow. Day 1 not so bad day 2 not so good still hiding the quit from my family but day 3 I had to come clean with my family I was so out of it they thought I had been drinking and was plastered. I told them that I had quit and was looking at the Kill the Can site on the net to help me. This was the first time I had admitted I was looking for help.

So I lurked and read the daily post of my July group every day. And finally got enough courage to post on April 14 day 14 of my quit I knew all the guys I read there post for almost 2 weeks. I should have jumped in earlier but I was afraid of failure. First post I screwed up but no one dinged me they fixed it and sent a PM if I needed help they would help me out. That first week it dawned on me I had made a commitment to someone other than myself that I was quitting. I had given my word that I would not dip and felt I was held accountable to these guys for that promise. I have dial up at home posting at home is a real pain so I posted on my first Friday see you all on Monday. That was not a good thing my inbox filled up quickly that I needed to post even on weekends here is the accountability thing again. I made arrangements with Ndrooster for my 1st weekend post. My wife could not believe that the people on this site cared so much that they wanted me to text someone I have never met to post that I would not use tobacco that day. By this time I have realized that I really wanted to give up tobacco for good. I also realized that I had an addition just like a drug addict no different. So you post roll every day tell the world I quit for today tomorrow is just that another day.

ROLL CALL IS THAT IMPORTANT you make a promise to everyone on this site every day that you will not use nicotine that day.

All went well the next week we set up quit groups Glenn fthkodiack, Waynebo and Kodiak Killer where my group this is cool I feel like I am part of something now we are covering each others back. Day 35 KK caved I had called him that day because he had not posted yet he said he was getting ready to but that night he caved. I took that real personal it made me more determined to make my quit stick with no stumbles. I still support KK every day in his new group and I still consider him one of my quit brothers.

Little did I know about this time the Rage Stage was starting that lasted until about day 50 so I was mad at everything and everybody and his cave set me off. The guys were hammering my quit brother and that really got me worked up. I wanted to lash out but at who! The rage stage was the worst part of the first 100days for me. I began to wonder if this was the real me yelling at everyone and in general being an ass. I did not like what I saw but could not control it either. During this time I upset some of the closet people to me, my family and for that I am truly sorry. They took the brunt of some of my blow ups and they did not deserve any of it.

After the Rage stage I decided to use the chat I had never been at a chat site ever so it was a first for me. I quickly found out it would have been helpful from the start but hind site is always better than foresight. From about day 60 I no longer had craves or feeling for dip it was like a switch turned on and tobacco was gone from my life. I still keep my guard up but I feel good about what I have done. So far 100 days and counting.

If you are still reading and thinking about quitting now is the time. This is the place and these are the people that will make your quit successful. I recommend you get in the chat early in your quit. Post roll every day! Get quit buddies they are your lifeline get their phone number call them if you feel you need to dip talk it out they will help you.

There is an understanding here you must get permission from your quit group or at least 2 members to take a dip or use nicotine once you start so be serious the rest of us are.

This quit has been a life changing event for me. I have gone through different stages from craves the first few day that were so intense it felt like I was being held underwater and needed air. The fog and being so out of it people think your drunk to the rage where someone walking by just pisses you off so bad you let them have it for being around you period. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done and the most satisfying thing I have done. I have won a 100 day battle against the nicotine addition nothing more. This place and these people that helped make it happen. I remember one member posted early in my quit everyone here has been or is going through what you are now so we understand what you are feeling. That is so true I look at the guys behind me they are going through what I did I feel their pain and anxiety as I read their post. These guys and gals at this site know what it takes to quit let them help you. I feel a bond with guys here that is hard to describe. It is a brotherhood the common bond is everyone here has had tobacco in their life and decided to get it out.

I want to thank the following members that have helped me along the way in no particular order.

My wife and Daughters they put up with me through the thick and thin of this quit.

My Mother and Father

Chewie – First contact and for the site many thanks.

Ndrooster – Lots of encouragement and support along the way.

Scooterscum – My 2nd contact here thanks for the encouragement and support and fixing my first post screw up.

Glenn (fthekodiak) – Thanks for sorta taking the lead in our group you put a lot of time and effort into our group Thanks.

Dean the coot- Your humor and support is great you were always there to help brighten the day.

Waynebo – Thanks for the support and just being there.

Cubs204- The morning race to post it seems we are on the same posting schedule.

Kodiak Killer – You dropped the ball on me but it made me stronger in my quit thanks and see you in the HOF next month.

Ready – You dropped me a line that you were watching Thanks for your support you helped me understand you quit one day at a time.

Outdoortexan – Thanks Curtis the info you have shared is priceless Thanks.

Bubblehead668 – For your dedication to all of us with your train for the HOF.

I want to thank all the vets on the site that pop in when you need it the most with a word of encouragement or a kick in the butt.

Last but not least was the Jenny and Tom Kerns story that tore my heart out and was the basis of my quit. I can put myself in that picture all too easy. Please take time to read it if you can chew after reading that you are better than me.

www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/

Stop lurking flush that can and quit now. I will see you in roll call every day. You too can be on the way to a new life.

Mark

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member markr

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