Thanks to this site I have made it past 100 Days. Doing some research I came across this site. Signed up and went to chat. Some ass holes called me out on a current dip and made me get rid of it. They then told me to flush all my shit. The weird thing is it gave me that little push I needed. I did it, and have not looked back.
Every night for as long as I remember I lay in bed at night and curse my self to quit. Every morning I would grab that can. I can now go to bed at night and what ever is planned out in my future is at least out of my hands. I still have this feeling I can’t seem to shake. I do not want the can, but just seem to be feeling as if something is missing in my life. This is odd to me as I have a loving wife and two of the best kids I could hope to have. Riley 6 and Amber 4. I guess this is somewhat normal if you have been doing something for about 20 years.
I do not fear death but I fear what it will do to my family. The thoughts of my kids and what they will go through if I was gone is about the scariest thing I can think of. I have seen just about everything there is to see in my profession but is is nothing when I think of my Family. I get tears just thinking about my little angles. To not see them and be with them is my all time biggest nightmare. Well with a little luck the big C will not make this nightmare come true.
I think this quit will and has made me a better father, husband and friend. I see myself already doing more than I did in the past. I do not need to shame myself and leave a party early to have a dip. Hey even though my wife gives me shit. I lay in bed and watch TV with her rather than having that last dip downstairs in the man cave. She doesn’t like this since I am to pig headed to give her the remote.
So in closing I feel like this KillTheCan is about the best thing around. Why it took a bunch of crazy assholes on the other side of a screen to make the quit possible. Why not the kids when my son started to spit on ground when he was 2 “like Daddy”. My wonderful wife encouraging but not nagging I don’t know. I can only say LIFE SAVERS I don’t even remember who was in that Chat but thanks, I think I signed in as “me” when i was in chat. From someone that saves lives for a living you guys will save more lives than I can even dream about.
I know I must stay strong but that is what my plan is …….forever