One hundred days ago, like so many of us here, I took the very first step in what I expect will be the rest of my life. I remember the day well – it was Monday, January 3, and I was headed back home after dropping my son off at school. This day was our New Year’s holiday at work, so I was planning a nice day of rest.
I knew I had no more dip left, and would need to buy more. As I stopped at the gas station to fuel up my truck and get a can, I spit out the chew I had in. There is sat, on the cement, steam rising off of it like a fresh turd. My blood pressure had been inching higher over the recent weeks, most likely because I nearly had a dip in 24 hours a day. I felt broken, ashamed, and sad for having used in front of my wife, my son, my family, my Scout Troop.
At that moment, I decided I had to stop – no matter what the cost. I had no idea what I would go through, or where I would go for support. I paid at the pump instead of going inside, and went home. I ended up taking a nap that day, resting, and going through Day 1, not even knowing there was a name for where I was.
The next day, while searching out how to quit using chew, Google returned a most interesting result – one that I had not found previously. Kill the Can? What could this be? I signed up, which took me a while, and finally got on, read up, posted and intro, and posted roll at Day 2. I was told to flush the lozenges I had, and I called my wife that very minute to get rid of the ones at the house, while I flushed the ones in my office. I went into Chat, I met some of the most odd people I’d ever met, got numbers, exchanged PMs, etc.
My first PM came from my fellow April quitter, Gelas. He seemed, if anything, very hyper. He was calling me brother. I was confused. I didn’t get it. I was so in The Suck nothing made sense. He was grinding up raisins to make his own fake dip.
And then I got my second PM, from TCOPE. I think he was using an avatar at the time with a guy in a pink feather boa. I was more confused, but now I had a starting place, his blog to reference, and the encouragement of someone who was not on Day 2 like I was.
Over the course of the next 98 days, the process simply rolled on – I posted roll, I got into chat, I exchanged PMs, I would interact with my new brothers and sisters. I took this very seriously, because after all, we’re talking about saving precious time we have on this Earth, and I needed to be about quitting. I wrote about brotherhood and the need to stick together, and my post went into Words of Wisdom. As has always been said, this process is not easy, but it is simple – post roll, keep your word, watch out for each other, celebrate the milestones as they come, always remember what you went through to get here. I kept getting almost weekly PMs from TCOPE, encouraging me to keep going
When Day 100 came, I could not contain myself. I woke up at 2am, and could not wait to post roll – not just to be recognized for having made HOF, but to make sure my Day 100 post was there and so I could live up to it. I could celebrate later – but giving my word was more important than anything else.
I cannot thank those who run this site and my brothers and sisters enough. While I had to do the work, you certainly made it easier for me to get through those rough days. Chat is one of the greatest resources here, and I have made more friends there than I have in years. There are so many here I wish to thank, but for the sake of not missing someone, I will simply say, thank you, KTC, and for those who know they’ve played a special role in my quit, you know who you are.
See you here tomorrow, and let’s make a promise to quit together, ok?