I have debated back and forth on whether I really wanted to write another HOF speech. You see, I should be approaching my 1600 day mark, yet here I am sitting at 106. During my first visit to KTC I made it to the 4th Floor before I decided that I no longer needed the tools and support that is so graciously offered (for free) on KTC.
I am not going to get into the gory details of why I chose to cave and throw away almost 3 years of quit one day on “just one,” which turned into a second, and a third, eventually up to purchasing a can again. It took me another year to finally be done with the can, and come here to face the pain that I already knew was going to happen. Hell, I had taken part in roasting the retreds when I was first here in 2014, now it was my turn to look in the mirror, suck up my pride and have to face the music. Honestly, it wasn’t my new group that was so hard to deal with, a bunch of guys who I hadn’t yet met, and were just starting their quits on the first time through KTC. What was hard was going back to the Resolute Bastards in Apr14 and confessing my cave. I was honestly surprised how many people from that group were still hanging around, many of which were instrumental in my first quit, and many of which were quick to chime in on my situation. One of the things that still stands out to me now. The guy who fought the hardest to keep me posting roll was SAM83, he was up my ass for wanting to leave KTC, but eventually gave in to my decision to stop posting roll. When I came back, he told me that he could smell the cave coming back when I chose to leave the site back on my Day 400. Granted, it wasn’t my Day 400 that I caved, but he was right, it was already building up.
Not to cut The Kings and Queen of Apr18 short, I have met some truly outstanding quitters in this group as well, and they have been there every step of the way alongside me offering the support and motivation to keep my quit. While I have not been nearly as active with Apr18 as I was with my first journey here, I have always been lurking in the shadows offering what advice I could when I felt it was warranted. I honestly feel in limbo, I am not truly part of Apr18, and I am no longer part of Apr14, somewhere between the two is where I lie, not really feeling like I belong to either, but yet somehow still belonging to both. Perhaps I am just crazy.
I have enjoyed reading the stories in Apr18, and it has been great to see how this group has come together to strengthen all of the members. Sadly, now our group is going to go through the attrition of many people due to them thinking this milestone is the end game, where in honesty, it is just the beginning of many more milestones in the future.
For me, I need the tools and support that are offered here at KTC. Even though I don’t spend hours a day on this site, just making my promise not to put the shit in my lip every day helps keep my quit in the front of my mind.
Thanks to all for helping me get to this point, keep my ass accountable, and don’t let me get complacent, that is what bit me before.
One last thought…when the Admins remove your prior HOF speech, and you get that notification…it sucks, really sucks, really hits home, and it won’t happen again for this quitter.