The Top 100 Benefits of Quitting Dip

Looking for a good reason to quit dipping?  Here’s the top 100!

1. Less likely to be thought of as someone who might marry their own cousin.
2. No longer have people wonder if you got a fat lip from runnin’ your mouth.
3. No more fingers tips that smell like…well you know that smell.
4. No more goin’ to different convience store so the clerks don’t keep track of how much chew your using.
5. No more bottles or cans with brown stains running down the sides.
6. No more weird moments where you can’t spit…but need to, and at that moment someone needs to talk to you so you tilt your head back a little so as not to “spill” your own spit while you try to talk.
7. No more stinky cans in my truck, that spill over when you are in a hurry.
8. No more havn’ to tell the clerk, “No not the damn long cut or the fruity what ever…I want the copenhagen regular.”
9. No more lying to my wife about the 2 hour shit I claimed to have taken
10. No more watching my kids play on the floor where I just shitdipped half my chew on the way to my mouth
11. No more inexplicable trips to the store while you’re actually driving to nowhere having a dip
12. No more poopin’ in public hotel bathrooms because you don’t want the wife to know what you’re doing in your room bathroom
13. No more panic attacks at airport metal detectors because you can’t remember if you have a can in your coat
14. Extra $$$ each day for healthy snacks like mint M&M’s by the pound, cheesy poofs and ho ho’s.
15. Buy a 20 oz bottle of Pop just to dump it out so you will have a spit cup for the road.
16. Drinking your own spit.
17. Having your lip be so raw from dipping all day but knowing you need one more before bedtime. That last pain dip of the day.
18. Wanting to eat something just so you can put a dip in afterwards.
19. Spilling half a can of fresh dip on the floor and being more mad because you have to go buy another can than cleaning up the floor.
20. Digging for change all over the house and car to have enough money to buy a can.
21. Having to go up to a good looking clerk at the store and ask for a can of lip turd.
22. Waking up in the morning and finding your can of dip dumped on the floor. You left it out the night before in the TV room and your kids decided to play with it the next morning.
23. Staying up late at night so you can dip by yourself in peace. (Then see # 22).
24. No more having to go to a 2nd c-store on the way to work because the clerk at the first one was a hot chick/dude
25. No more having to go to a 2nd c-store on the way to work because you saw someone you knew at the first one.
26. No more acting tired or making fake excuses wherever you are just so you can leave and stuff your face.
27. No more scanning the bathroom floor and sink for “black specks” that might give you away.
28. When you trim your finger nails you don’t have to worry about leaving one thumb nail a little longer anymore.
29. You don’t have to worry about “peppering” whatever’s in front of you if you unexpectedly sneeze.
30. Don’t have to clean spilled spitter juice out of the carpet anymore.
31. No more lectures from the Dentist.
32. No more quit for a day or 2 before dentist appt., just to dip right after teeth clean
33. No more wondering if the wife/husband actually believes it takes you 5 minutes to wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
34. Putting a credit card in your pocket over your can as to hide your can from bulging from your pants.
35. No more wondering if the dog thinks you’re a dumbass when he gives you that tilted head “what are you doing dumbass?” look.
36. Don’t have to find excuse to go to bathroom to spit out chew when wife becomes “amorous” while watching TV.
37. No spit leaking thru those wax-coated McDonald’s cups after a few hours.
38. Cleaning lady at work not grossed out anymore by emptying your office wastebasket.
39. No more chew kernels messing up your mouse wheel and keyboard
40. No more timing the stop lights or stopping a block away from your house so you have time to check your teeth in the mirror and use the pocketknife to remove any grains
41. No more recycling your dip back into the can because you’re running low and trying to ration every grain
42. No more throwing in a dip and then discovering that the only spitter you have is the one under your car seat that has been baking in the 100 degree heat for the past month and smells like rotten ass.
43. No more having your daughter tell someone that daddy does “shoeee”
44. No more spitting out your chew in the urinal at work, and have it land on the urinal cake so it won’t flush down.
45. No more questions from wife when she unclogs the bathroom sink, and a 1/2 lb of chew particles come up from the drain trap.
46. No more spilling 1/2 a can in your lap while driving, and driving the rest of the way home with your ass 2″ above the seat to keep from staining your pants.
47. No more going to the bathroom sink and looking at the inside of your mouth for 5 minutes to try to find the first cancer spot.
48. Leaving your can in your pants and having them washed and having your clothes stained. Redo and lose that can.
49. No more accidently inhaling some fine cut while taking and chew and then chocking on it so hard that you cough and fart at the same time.
50. No more wiping the fromundacheese from your stank ass fingers onto the carpeting below the seat of your vehicle.
51. No more putting in your contact lens (while your are out someplace where hand washing is not an option) with your nasty dip fingers of fire !
52. No more falling asleep with a dip in and getting a dark brown sleep drool stain on your wife’s brand new sheets.
53. No more swallowing mouthfuls of tobacco juice, because your 70 year old blabbermouth neighbor won’t shut up, and you don’t want to spit in front of her.
54. No more FAKE declarations about quitting when the price gets up to $3.00, or $4.00, or $5.00, etc…like we could quit if the price got too high.
55. See # 9, when conducting said clandestine event, no more bad aiming and accidently spitting on your nutsack!
56. No more looking for the dead mouse in the wall only to discover it’s a nasty ass toon growing fungus behind the computer monitor.
57. No more embarassment when a client get’s it your car to go to lunch, and you forgot to hide you spit (see through) bottle that is 2/3rd’s full.
58. No more taking the long way home, slowing down so the traffic light will turn red or stopping in parking lots just to finish that dip.
59. Your kids want have to tell their friends that thier Dad dips
60. No more throwing your body backwards when your spit didn’t come out perfect and you have that stringer attached to your bottom lip.
61. No more having to lie when people ask, “so how much of that shit do you use a day anyway” and we would say, “oh, i dont know, i dont realy keep track of it.”
62. No exactly a “no more” but, having to wonder about if the little skin flap thinger in your lower lip, will it grow back or not?
63. No more engaging in a conversation with a non dipper and (being unable to spit or swallow) having your head start leaning back as your mouth gradually fills with brown saliva all while acting interested in the conversation only to launch a gallon of shit behind the nearsest tree after making an emergency departure from said conversation.
64. No more wondering if your the only dipper out there that wants to quit, but can’t on your own.
65. No more attending an out of town conference and looking for a “friend” who has that same looking circle, (dip can), in his pocket.
66. No more “I’m quitting tomorrow so I’m going to make this last can count” marathon chewing sessions
67. Seeing something like this is a good reminder that someday, i might be able to talk to her.
68. No more putting dips in your top lip because your bottom lip is too raw.
69. No more worrying about eating super hot wings because of how it burns the gums when I put a chew in afterwards
70. No more swallowing chew with your wife around and developing an instantaneous case of the hiccups, which you can’t explain.
71. No more spitting in water fountains at work or church(boy that is sad) and watching it swirl everywhere except down the drain.
72. No more whimpin’ out when the stress level rises. No deal with life on life’s terms. Bring it on BEEOTCH.
73. Meetin’ some pretty cool folks on the net. even though they may be assholes in real life
74. No more forgetting about your cut finger and pinching a dip. Ouch!
75. Spilling Cope barnacles on your light colored pants and trying gently to brush them off so they don’t leave stained streaks knowing full well you have never had a successful brush-off before.
76. Getting frustrated after realizing you accidentally spit in a brand new drink.
77. Sneezing with a full lip and burning your sinuses with dip barnacles.
78. No more putting in a fresh dip while driving then realizing you have no where to spit because your spitter is plugged after it sat upside down over night and froze solid.
79. No more morning breath that smells like dead ass.
80. No more having to make sure I got enough dip to make through until morning! How fucked up are we?
81. No more seeing your wife accidentally take a drink out of your spitter, and then have to swallow it like nothing happened because your parents are in the room and you still hide the fact that you dip from them.
82. No more patting down yourself and checking every pocket to see if you got “it” with you before leaving the house.
83. No more panic attacks when you suddenly realize you FORGOT your dip.
84. No more accidentally spitting in your full beer and saying fuck it and drink it anyways.
85. No more frantically driving to the gas station to get more chew during the Sunday football games.
86. No more doing the mad scramble when your supplier (pusher) is out of fix.
87. No more acting like you’re not desperate when you dump an handful of change you scraped together on the counter to purchase a tin.
88. No more, “Daddy, you spittin in that can?”.
89. No more spending $1549.62/yr for something that can kill me.
90. No more daily ingestion of carcingoens and/or mutagens (sorry that sounded much funnier in my head
91. Shit, Shower and Shave in the morning without looking for a place to spit.
92. No more trashcan diving for a bottle (spitter) that belonged to someone else, not bothering after awhile to wipe their spit off because you’ve done this so many times before anyways.
93. No more staying WAY much longer than necessary in a porta-potty during a Penn State tailgate party just so you could have a dip (feel free to change school name on an “as needed” basis).
94. No more nephews coming out of your bedroom after playing hide-n-seek saying “Uncle Dumbass, what’s happened to the coke in this bottle?”
95. Not having a spitter and being such an addicted FUCKTARD that I throw in a fatty anyway and hold it untill I have a Big Gulps worth of spit and open the car door at a light and spit. Then look up and the hottie in the car next to you is looking at you like what a looser?
96. Not having a cup in the car, chewing anyway and opening car door at lights to spit.
97. No more wearing jean shorts instead of the more comfortable Nike workouts shorts because they don’t have a pocket for my tin.
98. Dumbing your spit cup out of your car as you are driving and having the spit sauce blow back up on your car.
99. NO MORE ‘tongue removal of dip’ while pissing and having it bounce off the toilet seat and land on the floor…and then pieces of the wad roll behind the toilet.
100. No more chewin’, period!