Spousal Support For Someone Who’s Quitting Dip
Steps To Helping Your Spouse Stay Quit
- Don’t nag. It won’t help and will only cause underlying feelings of anger and resentment, all of which are likely to drive your spouse back to the can out of spite. DO NOT throw away your spouses stash. That is their decision to make and if you do it, we are back to the spite thing. WE will make sure they flush it BEFORE they are allowed to post a Day 1 here.
- Realize that your spouse has to quit because he/she wants to. Your spouse can’t quit for you or for your children. Without the “want” of doing it, as opposed to the “being told to”, “the promise to”, “the deadline has arrived”, “the guilt” of doing it, chances are the quit will fail.
- Support is crucial! Be involved, in a positive way, in your spouse’s quit! Ask what day it is. (There is a quit tracker on the homepage of this site that will keep track of days quit and dollars saved) Tell him/her that you know it is hard and you are proud of him/her for what he/she is doing. Don’t be condescending. Don’t smother. Find the line and toe it.
- Gear up; it’s going to be a rough ride! It is important that you know that you will be the target of anger or sudden outbursts. You must know that this is all part of quitting the addiction and ridding the body and mind of the nasty chemicals and dependency that so many of us were foolish enough to subject ourselves to. When the anger gets directed towards you or other family members realize what is going on. Remove the kids from the battle zone, remove yourself. This will pass. We encourage all quitters to come to our Discord Server or our forums to vent and rage. Get mad at the vets on the site. Vent to other quitters who are going through the same thing or have been where your spouse is now. We have come to love the rage. It signifies healing and recovery. Directed towards the right people (us) it is healthy.
- Encourage, allow, desire that your spouse become active on our site, forums, blog and social media channels. An overwhelming majority of successful quitters will testify that they could not have succeeded without the support of the people and information on the site. Know that if your spouse is active on the site, he/she will make friends with complete strangers. Internet friends. Your spouse will hopefully give out a phone number and take phone numbers in. There is nothing hinky in this. It is all part of the support system. Spouses have been told, “Honey, I have friends that I have never met, all over the country. They feel like brothers to me and I owe them my life.” Many of us have met in person too. As we travel, we make plans to get together. Organized weekend get-togethers have been done. There is a camaraderie that is generated, that is hard to explain, but wonderful to experience.
- Understand that this is going to be the most difficult thing your spouse has ever done. It will also be the most rewarding (just short of marrying you, I’m sure). Internal battles will rage. Our forums can be their outlet. If the rage, short temper, etc. are manifesting itself in ways that affect your relationship, encourage them to see a doctor. Some of us had no choice but to resort to medication to save the world from ourselves. There is no shame in it. It won’t be a permanent thing, just for a couple months. Depression can also be symptom of nicotine cessation. It’s completely normal. If you notice withdrawal from family or friends, again, get them to a doctor. Be encouraging, remember, he’s a big burly man that thinks the last thing he needs is medication to cope. Send a vet a PM and we’ll explain it to them for you; you can stay completely out of it.
- Quitting is a wonderful time of self discovery and reflection. Like most of us your spouse probably can’t remember much about life without a can. He can’t remember how he acted, handled situations, etc. This is the fun part of quitting because he gets to, in some ways; condition his mind to hopefully be a better person.
For additional Spousal Support please see the following Facebook Group created by a spouse – NOT by KTC or a KTC member: https://www.facebook.com/groups/493805211924591/
I CANNOT FUCKING STAND THESE TOBACCO COMPANIES. THEY HAVE ROBBED OUR SPOUSES OF THEIR HEALTH.
FUCK YOU TOBACCO COMPANY
Found another can of dip and a vape in his truck today. He’s been smelling like cigars the past few days. He used to hide it better. But now he smokes at work too because his coworkers do. My kids have caught him with the dip and vapes. He used to be embarrassed about it enough that he didn’t want them to know. I told him he needed to leave which I know was wrong. The lies for 16 years just hurt so bad. He can lie to my face so easily and I don’t know what to trust anymore. My kids haven’t told me everything they’ve seen until he left tonight. He was angry. I was worried he’d do something dumb. He did come home, is on the sofa, and my youngest gave him a hug and told me he smells bad. I’m just keeping quiet tonight and continuing to pray for his heart to change and not ruin our marriage anymore. I know he has to want to quit on his own. It just hurts that we don’t matter enough for him to stop. The fact he thinks it’s okay to have those nasty smells in my face makes me so hurt and angry.
I feel your pain. I’m in the same situation. Constant denial but I keep finding cans. It’s so hurtful.😢
The problem is that you’re doing the wrong thing. Telling him to leave because of a nicotine addiction? Come on,
When it’s been years of it, I don’t think there is a right and wrong anymore. As spouses we try to support and it’s a lot to deal with. The health risks, the daily bad smells, the lying, general negative vibe at home. Yes it’s a nicotine addiction, but then there’s the utter desperation and constant hurting from the family of an addict, trying to understand, trying to find ways to encourage and support their spouse to quit knowing that their spouse DOES actually want to quit because it’s ruining the relationship and the ability to raise kids in an addiction free household. So yes, telling your spouse to leave after two decades of this destructive addiction may sound extreme, but these things aren’t said willy nilly, it takes courage to stand up and say this is enough now. It affects the whole family, not just the addict. I understand this situation all too well.
So true. Yes hard to give ultimatums but 20 yrs of spit cups of lack of respect for household is fair. Mine also didn’t go to dentist for 20 yrs. You don’t want to be mean but it smells bad. Hard to get sympathizing