We use to tell ourselves we enjoyed dipping. That’s bullshit. Nicotine stimulates the release of dopamine in our brain which makes us feel good, basically an unearned reward. Eventually the only way dopamine got released was if we had nicotine in our blood. No, we didn’t enjoy chewing, we hated the way we felt when we stopped.
We use to tell ourselves that dipping reduced our stress. Bullshit, stress released acids into our blood which caused our nicotine, an alkaloid, levels to drop which caused our dopamine levels to drop. We felt more stress because of this, once we got our fix of nicotine that reinforced the lie that dip calms us down. The original stress was still there, all we did was raise our dopamine levels up. It’s just chemistry.
We lie every time we personify our addiction as the “nic bitch”. There is no nic bitch, nicotine is just a drug. It has no intelligence, it doesn’t conspire against us, it doesn’t lie to us. We lie to ourselves. We’re not fighting an evil entity, we’re fighting our own lies. We lie because we’re addicts.
I had a crave which turned into a strong anxiety attack Tuesday night. The nic bitch was not whispering in my ear, I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. My brain was low on dopamine and I was willing to lie to get some. The only way I got myself under control was to do what this board taught me to do. I didn’t realize it at the time, but what I did was control my own lies.
I’m not going to bust anyone’s chops if they characterize their addiction as the nic bitch. I do not care if you manage your quit by dressing up as a purple dinosaur and sing silly songs. If you keep nicotine out of your body today, you’re OK in my book. But for me, I think there is danger in this personification of nicotine, by doing so we are giving the chemical, C10H14N2, power. Nicotine never put a dip in my lip, I chose to do that. Nicotine has never lied to me, I’ve only lied to myself. I’ve told enough lies, I don’t need to tell more.
We did a lot of damage to the neurotransmitters and receptors in our brains by ingesting the pesticide known as nicotine, it will take time for us to heal. I chose to control my addiction with patience, reason, logic, wit and intellect. When those falter I’ll lean on those I love and this board. The emperor has no clothes, the nic bitch does not exist.