I found out late last week that I’d been asked in for an on-site interview with a company that I’d be very excited to work for. SCORE! The interview / role is in a location about 4 hour from home so you know what that mean… ROAD TRIP! After I came down from my initial high of making it to this point in the interview process I had another thought. This thought however, wasn’t so awesome. A road trip and a night away from the family in a hotel room would be an awesome time for a dip!
What did I just say?!?!??!
You see… that’s not me anymore. I’ve been quit for over 5 years now. Yet in that moment, the thought of driving 4 hours with a fatty in crossed my mind. The thought of sitting in my hotel room with a lip full of Kodiak crossed my mind. And honestly, it’s pissed me off.
This wasn’t a crave. Far from it. In fact I can honestly tell you it’s been years since I’ve had anything that I’d consider a real crave. This was nothing more than a passing thought that I brushed aside. But as I thought back on it, it really upset me because it once again reminded me that I will always be an addict. And while there’s no chance that I’m going back to the can at this point in my life, it made me realize how people can do it. It showed me how people can throw away hundreds and thousands of days quit… just like that.
It’s very easy. When you start to romanticize your addiction in your mind it’s very easy to think back on the “good old days”. Remember when you’d go on a road trip with your buddies and pack a log or 2 just to get you through? Remember when you were sitting around the campfire drinking a few dozen beers and chewing the whole time? Yep, I can see how it’d be very easy to fall back into those old routines.
But then I remember other things. I remember the horror that I felt when I walked out of the house without my can. I remember the sheer terror I felt on my wedding night when I realized I was leaving on my honeymoon the next morning and only had a half can of Kodiak left. I remember just a few weeks back when I thought cancer had finally caught up with me. I remember how shitty I felt when I held my son in my arms and started to cry thinking about someone else raising him.
Don’t be afraid of your addiction. Face it head on. Recognize what it is you’re dealing with and realize that you’re not alone. Head over to our forums and start talking. Post roll and remember why you quit. Don’t forget.
As for my road trip? I’m gonna go nail this interview. I’m going to do it dip free and then I’m going to come home to my family. Now THAT is a road trip worth making.