I am beginning to understand all of our our similar experiences…
My wife is out of town for a long weekend and I have just about finished up a weekend of mr. mom with my kids and it was awesome. I can honestly say we had a great time. Every moment is now a wonderful memory of a fantastic weekend.
The thing is, I don’t think I could have done this 40 days ago. Looking back on my life as a Kodiak user, I now realize that I was always in some various state of needing a fix. Either I needed a chew, or was going to need one soon, or I was planning to get a fix – and as a result the ‘interuption’ my family represented was getting in the way of satisfying my addiction. I was less patient, more likely to express frustration, more likely to be frustrated and less likely to be understanding.
The strange thing is, these are all symptoms I associated with quitting and withdrawal, not symptoms I would experience while I was chewing. I guess I am beginning to understand that when you are an active chewer you are always going through withdrawal. Almost everything in your life is affected by the current or future lack of nicotine. While I was in the middle of it I couldn’t see it, but looking back now, I can’t believe how much effort and energy I wasted.
Just thought I would share my experience. Having thought about it and reflected on it, I am beginning to understand many of the things the veterans around here have said, about dying a little to live a lot, to starting to actually live for the first time in a long while, and so on.
To all the people who have come before me and made this place what it is: Thank you.
To all the people who have or will come after me: Welcome.