Hello, as most of you have figured out my name is Brad. I am 58 years old and was born with a highly addictive personality. If I enjoy doing something, booze, drugs, cars, tools, clothes, DIP etc I am all in. In regard to most of these things, one is too many and one thousand can never be enough. I have been sober in a 12 step program for 31 years. I don’t as a rule break my anonymity but have chosen to since joining KTC. I do this in hope that I can be of service to people that struggle with alcohol and other substances as I do.
I grew up on a small hobby farm, my father was a school teacher and a gentleman farmer. We raised a huge garden each year and always had at least 3 or 10 head of horses at the place. (I hate those hay burning bastards!) We grew oats and baled hay as required to keep them fed. Our neighbors across the stream had a dairy farm. They milked 75 or 80 head and had real nice little operation. It seemed that all the pick up trucks and grain trucks that I would get into had pouches of Levi Garrett or Red Man on the dash boards. I’m sure I tried it earlier but by the time I was 15 I was chewing Levi Garrett at every opportunity. Over the years I have been a true slave to the nicotine bitch. I have chewed, dipped, smoked and used every kind of nicotine replacement therapy that I could find. I was able to get 2, 3 maybe 6 months of clean time. One time I think I was actually nic free for a year. But I always caved.
In or about 2003 my dentist found a nodule on my tongue. It was removed and fortunately found to be non-cancerous……this time! My dentist warned me that next time i might not be so lucky. I went back to the nicotine therapies and I even tried Chantex. I kept trying and by late 2004, around Thanksgiving I think, I was finally nicotine free! I would remain that way without support or KTC for give or take 10 years.
Fast forward to 2014 and being nic free for a long time. I found myself in a new work environment, one of my choosing but one I wasn’t completely comfortable with. Most of the younger guys I worked with were dippers or used other forms of nicotine. I started from time to time when someone was packing a lip, to take the tin and take deep breaths enjoying the aroma of the tobacco. From the first time I did this my taste buds would absolutely explode. I did this on and off for about a year, never giving an all out cave serious consideration. After all nicotine was no longer my master.
One fateful morning after about 34 hours on a force main break I was worn out at my absolute wits end. It had been a little shit show for the past day and a half, to many bosses, each with their own idea how to solve the problem. I looked over and my buddy was packing a lip . I was without mental defense, my mind was no longer my friend and I asked him for his tin. He said you don’t dip anymore. I said that i was tired and one would never hurt me.
The actual dip of Skoal Berry was the celebration of the cave that probably happened a year before when I innocently started taking a whiff of cans of dip.
I am here by god’s grace and mercy with 148 days of quit . I’m grateful that I found you guys. I believe it was divine intervention, but that’s a story that I’ll let Danny @oliver88 tell. I’m quit just for today and I’ll let tomorrow take care of itself when the time comes. My granddaughters are happy the Pop no longer eats “dirt”! I am great full that I “Quit Hard” an just for today I am no longer a slave to the nic bitch. If I can do it you can too. If you want to quit and are serious about I can tell you it’s not going to be easy. I can also report being a %100 certain that these men and ladies (yes ladies) will walk through fire to help you if you truly desire to quit. Trust the process!
Thank you, and I’m Proud To Quit With Each One Of You Today.