Hipster here, day 113. I have held off on the HOf speech because i wanted to be sure i recognized how this happened after 32 years of dipping.
First, one day last summer my wife said to me through her tears “you need to quit chewing, you are too important to this family!” Now i have known for years that i needed to quit and tried several times, even made it 3 hours once. I had been thinking about how i was going to quit once and for all for a couple of years but there was always next week, or when i get through XYZ situation. This was different though, I already knew i needed to quit for me but, to see her crying and imagine my little precious 5 year old son crying and saying goodbye to me, well a plan was hatched.
So, I am told i took an unconventional approach to quitting and i suppose i did, it is what works for me. I set out to create an actual quit plan, committed it to writing and bound it. My quit plan is a 50 page document that is specific to me, my goals, my family, my health, my history and most of all, MY FUTURE. Since day 1 that booklet has not been beyond arms reach, literally. My wife knew what i was doing and she said “do whatever it takes, i got your back.” and wow did she, and still does. So i created an email that i scheduled to send to myself at 10:45 pm on Christmas Day, with a 5 year old, i did not want Christmas morning to be affected by chew or my quit. Either way it was a tough day because i had cut down so much I was already pretty far into withdrawls.
At 10:45 i followed the instructions on KTC and dumped my last can in the toilet. From there i leaned really really hard on my wife and somehow she became an addiction counselor, a doctor, a confidant beyond what she already was and mostly continued as the greatest friend i have ever had. what she endured was unbelievable and i could not be more thankful to her. Early on, I was challenged to take long car rides, spend the night in a hotel for work and mostly, attend a national sales meeting half way across the country. She was a solid piece of granite putting up with my emotional roller coaster and keeping my head on straight. I was not angry and raging, in fact i suddenly became very calm as the nicotine that had me raging for so many years and suffering from horrible anxiety had gone and took the rage and anxiety with it.
I have had my share of struggles but have never even considered a trip to the store for a can. I have posted roll every day since Christmas 2011 and was the first to reach HOF in April 2012.
There are several KTC members who deserve recognition for the help offered to me and the support along the way. Mcarmo for sure has been on my text and with me every single day and has taken several calls from me to counsel me through some tough times. Luby and cornholio along with Markr in the very beginning kept me on track, many thanks to you all. Lastly, Gator. Hmmm, Gator tore me up on day one, thought i was a troll and f-bombed me several times on the first night. Since, he has been a solid supporter and i have not missed roll in his group either. I am told there has been some discussion of replicating the booklet and making available to others…
KTC has been a really important part of my quit, for sure. I use the site daily, i think chat is one of the best tools we have and i have about 30 phone numbers in my phone. I am not afraid to use any of them. In my booklet, i have 2 documents that have proven to be great crave killers. The email I wrote so i would never forget all of the reasons to quit and the “contract to give up” from KTC.
The way i see it, if i can ignore those two documents then in theory i could say to my 5 year old son “Screw you, i don’t care about your crappy little life, i am going chew and if we go broke, tough and if i get sick and orphan you, tough. I don’t care about you, i care about paying dearly to kill myself with chew.” Of course i could never bring myself to say that and let’s face it, actions speak louder that words.
I must emphasize however, that of all the tools i used (booklet, Alan Carr’s quit book, counseling and anti anxiety meds for the first 20 days) the most valuable tool at my disposal was and still is my beautiful wife. Thank you so much, I truly could not have done this without you and your help and support. I love you. Your Hipster.