Dear John – I Need To Move On

My dearest Dip –

You may be wondering where I’ve been for the last 28 days. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking  I needed some time to myself.

I want you to know that it’s over between us. Frankly, I think we’re both to blame and there are things that both of us could have done differently, but in the end, we’re bad for each other and I need to move on.

When we met, I was head over heels. I literally couldn’t get enough of you, and you always seemed to know when I needed you most. You were there for me during my most personal moments and you always knew just what to do. You gave me confidence, you inspired me, and as a result, my every waking moment revolved around when I would be with you next.

I tried to share my feelings about you with a couple of people, but they just didn’t seem to understand. They didn’t see the wonder in you that I saw and they didn’t appreciate you. In fact, they seemed to know things about you that I didn’t want to believe, and they talked badly about you, saying that you were no good for me.

But I was devoted.

Then I noticed that practically everyone found you distasteful except me. They tried to split us up and break us apart, but I wouldn’t listen to them talk that way about you. I saw the beauty in you and I found everything about you delicious. You satisfied me in every way  no one had ever made me feel that way before.

So I stayed committed.

Other girls came on to me and tried to wedge their way between us. My parents didn’t appreciate you and my friends thought you were gross. I wasn’t allowed to bring you with me to certain places because of other people’s intolerance.

So I kept us a secret.

To keep us together, I stopped telling people about you. I went out of my way to keep our relationship a secret, and I lied to practically everyone with whom I came in contact, just so that our relationship could continue. I stopped hanging out with people who said you were no good for me. I stopped going to places that wouldn’t allow us to be together in public.

My happiest times were when everyone would leave me alone and we could be alone together.

Then, I began to doubt us.

I began to notice that we weren’t progressing. While I was going to greater and greater lengths to be with you, you weren’t doing anything new for me. It was always me that was putting forth all the effort and I started to get tired.

When I mentioned this, you laughed at me. When I suggested that we needed a break from each other, you made fun of me. You said that I’d never be able to get rid of you, that I needed you too much, and that I was weak.

And it dawned on me that you didn’t really feel for me the way I felt about you. I started to wonder if you were just using me. I’d spent all this time trying to make it so that we could be together and you never really cared at all. You’d been using me from the very beginning, for almost 20 years…

And I started to get pissed.

I changed the locks on the doors while you laughed at me. I packed up all your shit while you made fun of me. I threw out all your pictures while you taunted me, telling me that I’d never be able to get rid of you. I tried to shut you out as best I could.

And it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

People supported me though. People who knew you were bad for me helped me through. People who knew you gave us something in common. We talked about your cruelty and how much you’d hurt me, as well as how much worse you’d hurt others.

And still you got to me.

I’d see you driving by. I’d think of you at odd hours during the day. Little things would bring you to mind and you’d be right there, waiting, taunting, and beckoning me.

It turns out I was weak and you wore me the fuck down.

I gave you another chance because you said it would be different, or at least that’s what I thought you said. As it turns out, it wasn’t different at all. At first, it felt so comfortable to have you back, but then the old patterns started again, and you didn’t seem to care any more than you did before.

And then I was ashamed of you.

And pissed.

So now, here we are and for the record, partly because I’ve been nothing but respectful all through our relationship, and partly because you need to hear it this way, I’m going to be frank with you about a couple of things…

First, you’re done here. The place I had for you is gone.

Paved over. Condemned. No longer reserved.

You can move the fuck on.

Second, it took me a while, but I’ve got your fucking number and there’s no changing it or hiding it from me.

I know what you are.

Third, guess what. You’re the weak one. You thought that you’d be able to break me and you weren’t wrong.

But you’d be wrong now.

Fucking with me would be an exercise in futility.

You see, it’s over and I’m not sorry about it. We can part relatively amicably or I can personally wreck your shit for you.

Your choice.

Hard or easy.

Either way, we’re finished, once and for all.

Lick my butthole,
SWJ

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member SWJ