I started dipping my senior year of high school. I had a couple buddies who did it and they would give me a pinch from their can. I grew to like it and started buying my own. For the next seven years, I would smoke and/or dip, but never more than a can a week or a pack every few days. Although I was never a chain smoker or a can-a-day dipper, I was still addicted to nicotine.
When I was 25, I met the woman who I would later marry. The first thing she said when she got in my car was, “Ew. You’re a smoker?” Within a week or two of dating her, I gave up smoking. Who needed it? I could still get my nicotine from dip, which I liked better anyway.
She also found my dip or a cup I had been spitting into on several occasions. Each time, I would either pledge to quit, say it was left over from when I used to use it, or just apologize. Eventually, I just got to be better at hiding it. She worked early, so I would dip when she went to bed, in the morning when she was gone, on my way to work, at work, etc. Pretty much when she wasn’t around I would be dipping. I was never able to keep my word and quit for her. Also, I would become irritated when she wanted to stay up and spend extra time with me out in the living room. I would think, “You’re cutting in to my dipping time.” I would become crabby and she would evntually have enough and go to bed. When I think back to my life before quitting, the way I treated my wife because I wanted to spend time dipping rather than with her hurts me the most. I was SO selfish and stupid!
Still, at this point, I was only dipping about a can a week. I tried to quit many times. I bought nicotine patches and told myself I wouldn’t buy another can. I think my longest quit lasted about a week. Every time I bought a can, I lied to myself that it would be my last. I just never had the will power. I let myself become enslaved.
After I was married and my wife was about eight months pregnant, I made a goal to quit by the time she had the baby. What a noble goal, I thought to myself. I would wean myself off and be ready to stop entirely by the due date. This never happened and I continued to dip until my daughter was 4 ½ months old. One day I was home with my daughter and I decided to tell her, “I am going to stop dipping. Even though you don’t know what I’m saying right now, It’s important for me to say this to you. I swear I will never dip again.” I figured if I ever dipped again, I would have lied to her and that would make me feel like the worst person in the world.
I had checked out Killthecan about a month before that day and planned to use it when I finally resolved to quit for good. The next day, I posted a “1” next to my name in the November group. Every time I thought about caving, I thought back to that pledge that I had given my daughter. I also thought about how I didn’t want to let down my quit brothers. I love all of the November HOF class as well as our supporters and administrators. Thank you to all of you for your support every day, and a special thanks to Bones for getting after me and checking on me when I wouldn’t post. I know that I will never dip again and I would not have succeeded without you guys.