I have always been addicted to nicotine. Always. I was born 1 month premature at 4 lbs in 1966 because my mother smoked through her pregnancy with me, just like her other kids. I grew up in a house full of smokers, who cracked the car window to let the smoke out and only ended up flooding the back seat with smoke where I rode most of my young life. Not blaming them, just saying. My father died of cancer (multiple myeloma) when I was 18 then my mother when I was in my early 30’s. (COPD and emphesema). I vowed never to be a smoker, sure I would have the occational cigar on the golf course or deer hunting but never a cigarette. Then in my late 20’s I tried leaf tobbaco (Redman) while deer hunting and that progressed into Skoal longcut. I was hooked. My wife smoked before we had kids so she didn’t bitch when I chose to keep chewing when the kids were born and longer. As my kids got older they would ask when I was going to stop spitting they were afraid of the cancer risks. I just brushed them off and said not to worry.
I was a dumbass addict and I would say anything to get my nicotine fix. I would live in total denial even though I see and diagnose cancer for a living. Crazy shit. Here I am working with cancer daily (Squamous cell, adenocarcinoma, small cell, large cell, lymphoma, sarcoma, etc) and I go home and suck on the cancer candy at night. Insane. Cancer plays for keeps. Its pretty much undefeated. The chances of getting cancer is high enough in our modern world why would I intentionally double or triple the odds in cancer’s favor?????
Finally I woke up from the nightmare and decided enough was fucking enough, time to take back my life. I was a 320 lbs, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, nicotine and alcohol addict. I joined WW and started running. Dropped to 255. Big life changes take time but it was time to quit the chew. I quit for 8 days alone, no sleep, 24 hour headache, angry at the world. Then found KTC. Read everything and learned I was not alone. Posted roll my first day, totally bumped a bunch of people, but they still let me join. Great advice from the vets each day both directly and indirectly. I am still an addict but now I am a free addict. I am in control today, tomorrow is still out there. I can reach out if I need help and I am there if anyone needs help. Its time for me to give back to those that have set me free.
If you are new and thinking about joining KTC. You are not here by accident. Its time. Come on in the water is fine. Freedom from nicotine is the best feeling in the world.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member GR8WHITEBUFFALO