It’s Not Over

Some Schmuck avatar“If I can be an example of getting sober, than I can be an example of starting over.”

I was debating with myself since around day 50 if I was even going to write an HOF speech, I was adamant that I wasn’t going to at 99, and for sure wasn’t going to at 100. However, after a couple of close encounters last week and seeing the true meaning of this community that I actually started mulling over this.

My story isn’t any different than anyone of you. I started dip and it got to the point where I figured I should quit. So I went to pouches to ween myself off. Later I enlisted in the military and it gave me a 90 day excuse of not using any tobacco, but the moment I got of the depot, I walked to the nearest C-store and bought a new tin. A few years down the road, I started noticing changes with my body, I knew what the cause was but I had the whole “I’m young and immortal” attitude and figured if it was my time, it was my time.

Fast forward another couple of years and I knew that enough was enough. I hated feeling obligated to chew to make my days go better, I hated how my body reacted if I didn’t have a chew and I hated how my body reacted as a continued and prolonging use of tobacco. So I stumbled on this site called KTC.

In all honestly, my first impression when I popped in the chat and viewed the forums was, “wow, this has a huge cult-like vibe.” I almost didn’t want any part of it, but I figured I’d give it a few days and if I was weirded out, I would try my luck else where.

It wasn’t even an hour since I registered that this guy named Samrs sent me a PM. He was telling me he was only on day 16, but was willing to keep me accountable. Already I had someone welcoming and sharing me their phone number. I was a little surprised, because I’m a pretty quiet and personal individual and would never outreach like that and give a random person off of the internet my phone number.

Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and eventually I made at day 100. It was a nice feat, but it was just another day to me. It wasn’t until my 120s that I started feeling really down. Depression was kicking me in the teeth and I would self medicate by drinking all day. One day I found myself at a gas station and I actually bought a tin. For some reason it was so foreign to me trying to crack it open and I eventually did just staring at it. I knew this wasn’t me and I gave Sean a call. He kept me accountable until I was able to dispose of it. Then later that week, I found myself drinking again. This time actually walking to the c-store (thankfully it was closed). As I was walking to the next nearest c-store, I kept on getting more phone calls from Sean, Larry, and Sam. All scolding, but very encouraging to walk my drunk ass home.

I’m grateful to May 17 and the other members that make up this community. I would not be making it this far without you.

To Sean, Larry, and Sam: I owe you gents my quit. Thank you for putting up with me, encouraging me and continuing to keep me accountable.

To May 17: You folks are such a great group and I’m thankful to continue to quit with you.

To anyone else reading this: Coming to this community did come of as “cult-ish.” I remember my first read was about someone getting scolded and ostracized by their group for caving. I saw people always posting ODAAT and their roll number. I misinterpreted. This community cares about you, and wants nothing more than for you to succeed in your journey to be free from chew. Craving isn’t a sign of failure or weakness, it’s your actions following it that dictates that. If you happen to cave, don’t just give up on yourself, join your group and be accountable to help the next new joins going through the struggle.

Please reach out if you need help, it’s a bigger sign of strength admitting that you can’t do it alone than quietly failing. No battle is won with just one person. Use me as an example, don’t almost cave without even talking to anyone about what you’re going through.

We’re here to help you, that’s what KTC is all about.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Some Schmuck

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