First of all let me thank everyone that posts and participates here at KTC, you all have inspired me and helped me stay quit another day.
My relationship with smokeless tobacco started walking home from school one day in the 8th grade. I was 14, late winter early springtime and while walking home from school a chum offered me a pinch of something in a can called Hawken. I knew it was tobacco, my mom smoked for years and being around motorsports had seen Skoal, Silver Creek, Levi Garrett…..numerous chew products advertised. I don’t really recall that first pinch, it didn’t make sick so I must have kinda liked it, I also don’t remember when it became a regular habit but by that summer I was using Skoal Mint frequently.
Fast forward to hell week, freshmen year football. I’m sneaking a pinch in the locker room shower between practices and a senior player asks me what I’m dipping. I replied “skoal mint”, he chuckles and asks me if i’m a pussy? I respond with a hell no and he extends out his hand to me and says….then try this shit. That was the day I met the Kodiak bear. It really doesn’t get any more interesting from there, because most of you the end of the story from here.
For the next 23 years I did everything and anything with a dip in, I was never a ninja except when I was first dating a girl, but after awhile the bear always came out. I reached that point we all do, I’ll quit tomorrow, when a can costs $5 (lol on that one), the point where stopping seemed like a good idea, but at a more convenient time than right now.
Sometime in June 2012, I found KTC, registered and looked around the site. This is the part of the story where I think commitment comes in, because even then I saw that this was not a place where on again, off again half stopping that I had done in the past was going to cut it. So, I let the bear win again for almost year, I never posted roll or an intro, I just kept using. By May 2013 my desire to walk away from the can was peaking again. I posted roll with the Aug 2013 group on May 18 and again on the 19th, Day 3 I did not post and decided to cave. I came crawling back on May 21st, 2 days quit and chose to cave again. I was ashamed that I did not seem to have in me what these other guys had, I slipped into anonymity like so many early cavers do, perhaps never to be heard from again.
During that time I had guys reach out, gave me their numbers. I even shared a text or two with some. One stuck out after I went away, he texted me and simply said “when your ready”. That stuck with me and while I was using the next couple months I could not get KTC out of my mind, I lurked on the site and watched guys hit the HOF, watched guys cave, come back. I watched guys from what would have been my group in August stay quit.
It was July 16, 2013 and I was lurking as a “hidden” user reading on the forums with a big fat lip turd and I had what some would call the “moment of clarity”. Why the hell was I still doing this, why did I care what was going on at KTC….because I wanted to be quit with them, plain and simple. It was then that I tossed out my can, posted Day 1 for the last time and reached out to that quitter that had left the door cracked for me. I haven’t not looked back for 103 days, I decided that day that I was in to win.
I found a quote that seemed quite fitting today, it was pulled from Tcope’s HOF speech/blog and it is a quote from LOOT;
Make sure you understand the level of commitment people are putting into your sorry ass every time they sign roll with you.
That really sums it up for me thus far, I post roll with you because I care about your quit. I am committed to this thing. I get mad when guys miss roll, I get mad when guys cave and act like it’s not a big deal. If you are truly ready to quit and give it everything you have, then my friend you will find everything you need right here. I do not have many close friends, I have been a loner with my poison for many years, but the brotherhood I developed here in the past 103 days is unbelievable. When we dipped, we would have gone to any lengths to make sure we had our little can of cancer, so don’t be afraid to take that same attitude to your quit. Posting roll every morning is a good start, but as you put some +1’s together, keep building your contacts, reach out to a Day 1, hop into live chat, find a veteran group without many guys in it and post with them (Ask a guy with a comma what he thinks about caving, lying or posting roll when your still using……) If you make that kind of commitment you will find that freedom from the can starts to feel pretty good.
Fuck the bear, I’ll see you at Roll Call!