I liked dipping. From the moment I started in 9th grade until June 27th 2013 I liked to dip.
Growing up in a factory town in Wisconsin, everyone I knew smoked. Both my parents, most grown ups, and to my dismay most of the kids in high school. I wanted nothing to do with smoking but instead of simply resisting the peer pressure to smoke I turned to dip. If you chewed, the peer pressure abated, and most of the guys who played sports dipped so in my stupid 9th grade mind I saw dipping as a great way to bond with the older guys playing football, basketball, baseball, etc. Skoal Mint quickly turned to Kodiak, and me and the bear were tied at the hip.
I really believed had I quit upon entering college it wouldn’t have been the torture the past 100+ days have been, but at beginning of my freshman year a coach told me I needed to drop 30 lbs. It being the late 80’s there wasn’t a lot of info on losing weight (I guess drinking Tab). So I came up with the plan to put a big fat dip in my mouth midway through every meal, it worked….but in the process it locked me in to dipping hard, because from that moment on I couldn’t finish a meal without immediately needing a dip. Even now I still get my worst craves right after a meal.
As the years went on I developed a bunch of other daily activities that also became associated in my mind with dipping. Driving, shitting, showering, playing golf, finishing a work out, fixing things around the house, mowing the lawn…I couldn’t do any of these things without dipping. After quitting two more activities were added to that last that I didn’t realize, grilling food and taking the garbage out. Do you notice what most of that list has in common? Being by yourself. Makes sense for me because from age 26 (when I met my wife) until age 43 I was a serial ninja dipper.
I got a job on Wall Street and I married my wife around the same time and hidden from both my employers and my wife I carried a tin a day habit. I don’t know about you guys, but I was able to hold a dip in the side of my mouth without working up much spit. So I could go all day with a lipper packed back by my molars without anyone knowing. At work this was great, but at home it was another story. Periodically my wife would find my tins. In my pockets, in my car, hiding places I had set up to stash dip. Seems like some of you guys have wives that are tolerant of chewing, but my wife is not and I don’t blame her. I often think how it would be the other way around…giving my wife a kiss only to realize she has a big dip in her mouth! Each and every time she caught me I would swear I was going to quit.
In all honesty the older I got the more pathetic dipping became. Making sure I had a tin at all times, needing to chew at all times, driving in the middle of the night to get dip, falling asleep with dip in my mouth, yellow tongue, dirty fingernails…I had a lipper in my mouth for the birth of all three of my kids!!! The first pictures of any of my children is being held by a man who, if you know what you are looking for has one cheek a little fuller than the other…..Fuck!!! So I wanted out, but now dipping was making me a liar. I like to think of myself as a man of integrity. If I tell you I will do something…consider it done. Yet here was the Kodiak Bear making me a sniveling liar. Everything I hate seeing in other people I was embodying by being unable to keep my promise.
Enter KTC. Having been caught again I went online and Googled “quiting dipping” and bam…up pops Kill the Can. Thank you…thank you…thank you kill the can!!!!! This was exactly what I needed. First and foremost it laid out what I would go through for the next 100 days…like fucking clockwork I went through the fog, the funk and all the days in between each with growing confidence that each phase of quitting would soon recede and then after my 100 days (probably around day 110) my craves started to diminish in a real way. Second and most important, this is a website about integrity. You are making a PROMISE every day to not dip for the next 24 hours. This resonated with me in a very meaningful way. I was having a problem keeping my promise and here came a website mad up of thousands of men and women demanding that I become accountable. And that I have been.
From day 1 on this site I knew I would stay quit, and I also knew I would keep posting here well beyond 100 days. I need that accountability I need to keep making a promise and living up to that promise. So although I am not a frequent contributor to this site, I would like to thank each and every one of you here for holding me accountable. I once again can make my promises.
What did I find after all this time? I’m not sure why I loved dipping after all. I certainly don’t miss it, and my life is much better without it. If there is somebody out there reading this and wondering if you should quit or not…The answer is “Throw out your dip right now, get in here and join a crowd of thousands of proud quitters, make a promise every day and keep that promise.”