I started dipping Hawkins, irregularly, when I was very young, perhaps as young as 10 or 11. I remember all the men hanging out, cleaning fish or game, cooking, working on something, fireside, and spitting. They would challenge me, and I would accept the challenge, just to get a positive response with lots of laughs. Also, dipping with all my buds playing youth baseball and trying to be like the pro folks. I still remember the taste a feeling of light-headedness and my stomach turning. My first plug chew was from my Paw Paw and it made me really sick, which I think was his intention. My Great Grand Ma also got me to try her snuff and laughed her arse off when I got so messed up – it was awful! With all of this, I managed to avoid tobacco as a regular user until I hit the teenage years.
My dad passed when I was 14 and as you can imagine it hit me like a ton of bricks. My Grand Paw tried his best to fill in, but I drifted into some dark times, started running with devil, and did so until I rededicated my life to Jesus at 21 years of age, then, very wore out from fighting everyone and everything. I did every crazy thing that a human could possibly do, and gave it 100%, so many shameful things, kicked people arses, and many things that folks sometimes never return from. At the bottom of a dark valley, through the grace and power of God/Jesus, I was able to gain a small foothold and started to gain some control and finally overcame the darkness. By the time I was 22 I had almost completely changed, 180 degrees, and have never stopped trying to follow Jesus’s example, although I fail daily. I have also worked on healing the hurt over many many years, along with quitting bad habits and starting new healthy habits, except for one thing, and the hardest thing of all, the nicotine bitch…
I started smoking Tops, rolled my own, when I was 16 because it was cheaper than ready-rolled… I smoked tobacco in one form or another for the next 18 years, until it became so looked down upon, that I thought I could go nic-ninja by taking up dipping, and so I did. I dipped Skoal then Cope for another 16 years, and did a good job of hiding it from many people. I kept a dip in from the time I woke up until just before bedtime, every dang day. Day in and day out, didn’t matter if there were ten $1500 suits at the conference table and a seven figure deal going down, or a church function, I had a dip in. I had tried to quit before, but never made it more than three or four days, then telling myself I could have just a couple of dips a day, regulate the amount, and keep control over her, that I could handle it, but she always managed to convince me to get back in bed with her, full time, and I complied each time; she, by far, has been my greatest weakness.
Turning 40 caused me to do several things, due to the, “oh shot, I’m getting older,” realization. I started back working out with free weights, MMA, aerobic exercise, and eating healthy every day. Imagine that, I’m trying to get back in shape with a dip in my lip – how stupid is that? I would eat a salad, drink a protein shake, then take a dip… what the heck? After 10 years of periodically failing at the quit, I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired and decided to quit for good.
Doing research on the quit led me to several government run tobacco cessation sites and then to those average, “counsel or medicate your way to quit,” sites. From those sites, I determined that if you make it the first three days, you’ve got her half-way beat, and after 7-10 days, you’re pretty much home free and the quit becomes easy. Well… that’s the biggest bunch of BS, because I was still dying! Every pore in my body wanted the nic bitch, badly, so I began the search for answers/help again. I have to say that I was seriously thinking about caving again, because my quit was not following the model that I had just read about; it was not getting any easier!! That’s when I found the KTC link and started to read more.
The information and fellow quit stories on KTC helped me realize that there were no quick solutions to the nic bitch problem that I had created for myself over the last 30+ years. I remember the feeling of relief and comfort when reading story after story about folks struggling with their quits, for months, years, etc., but doing it one day at a time, every dang day, and as a tight knit family, that would encourage you, but kick your arse if you needed to be held accountable. It was so comforting to know that my pore pounding craves with rage was common, acceptable, and encouraged at KTC. Through KTC and the Lord I have been quit for 108 days. I never thought I could do it, but the KTC people and method has worked for me and I believe it can work for other quitters if they are ready to get serious about their quit and follow the KTC way. The KTC way works most effectively if you give it your best and engage the site at 100% by being a contributor, not just a taker. Half-arse, one-way, MOFOs usually don’t do to well at the quit, or anything else in life… be a both-way MOFO, BAQ!
So many KTC folks have been instrumental in my quit, either through daily text, vortex raging, and the site, and for this I will always be grateful. First, the Oct19 BA brothers/sisters, HAG; Nbass; Baylor; L8; Elk; Reaper; Nomo; Rubi; Bsarno; Greenburr; and the BA conductors (Drums and CDA), love y’all and much appreciation, and to Copequits; Sand; Chris2; Broc; Bug Guy; RichardK; Fish; Six String, Brad; Kodiak; BigD; love y’all and thank you guys for your daily/frequent checkups, and to the daily role supporters, oldschool; NickT; 69Franx; Ruthless; Jpquit; Tonifer; JJG, Hunter; Redwood; you guys made my daily quit even stronger, thank you, and to the BA quitters who constantly work to make KTC a good home for everyone, Zeus; Rains; Chris; Skol; ScottB; KDip; Athan; WW; Razd; PeterG; AppleJack; Samrs; MNx; FLLip; BMC; Monster; Brettlees; Falcon; BatDad; pky; INK; Chewy; RDB; Palp; and countless others, thank y’all. Yes, I probably left folks out, but not intentionally, sorry, love you too, unless you gotta problem with it, if so, then f-you and kiss my arse.