My Quit The Journey – HALs HOF Speech

Hal avatarWords can’t begin to express the feelings and thanks I have reaching my 100 days at KTC. I know my quit was made stronger because of several guys here that created and support this web site everyday. I want to thank Chewie, Franpro, 11×4, Ready, LOOT and the other guys that have spent so much time to make this web site work and kick ass. KTC has made a difference in my life in numerous ways here and will keep me quit up the flights of stairs in the coming days of my quit.

I started dipping in college with several of my fraternity brothers. Not really sure what was so great about dipping or why it really got started, if I could only turn back time but I guess hell we can say that about a lot of things after all. I did not think this nasty habit would later run my life night and day affecting my health and my wallet. The only time I would stop dipping for a very short period of time was when I would get sick and my throat would be so raw that I could not handle the tobacco but every time quickly returned to the can like a old girlfriend. Truly the dip was my best and often my only friend and never went anywhere without it and keep it close at hand at all times. Now the friendship is over and gone and I don’t miss it as much as the first few days. This was not my first quit but for sure my last one. I guess the question I still get asked by friends and family is why did I quit again. That could take hours to explain but to summarize it to say for myself. It started about the 12th of September I was sick of getting up first thing in the morning to put a big dip in. I started to make myself wait an hour after I would wake up in the morning and the next mornings add another hour and so on. By the 21st of September I took my first dip of the day after dinnertime. I guess at first it was more a game to make me want the dip so bad it did not really work out like that. Well the 23rd of September and it was a crazy day at work and I made it till dinner dip free, which was at 11pm that day and went to bed dip free. The next day the game was still on just had to make it later than the day before. I still carried my can with me like an old friend. The next day went by dip free. This went on for a few days and it was Friday night so I went off to the bar downtown. My friends were off doing other things and really wanted to be alone sort of in a funk, so I was drinking alone yes like Pcpowder. I was playing on the Internet with my iphone and came across this site called www.Killthecan.org. Before I knew it joined chat with a bunch of guys that I did not know or trust. I started chatting with a guy who called himself snowbordem and asking me if I had quit I said no just did no have a dip in still had the can on me. He asked when I had dipped last and asked why I still carried my can around. I said not sure but really I knew it was my security for anything my best friend never left behind. Well chatting on the iphone was ok but hard to get drunk typing too much. Snowbordem got me to dump the can at the bar that night and I guess that is when I quit not the day but in my mind. I signed up on the site and was so retarded about trying to post. I could always seem to screw up the posting and markr and some others would fix my mis-postings and bumps each time I did it. I had so many guys here supporting my quit and help me through the rough days of the beginning of my quit. About three weeks into my quit I started to feel a bit cocky and felt I had beat it until I stumbled on the path. I had been working with kid who called himself EMT to help him stay quit. We would talk everyday sometime several times in a day about supporting his quit. I really began to feel like his quit was mine. Well to keep it short he was not strong enough to stay quit and caved while on the phone with me. This really fucked me up and made me have so many doubts about my quit and myself. I used my brand new support phone numbers to get some help with EMT’s cave. I called Snowbordem and Pcpowder, coolcop and they gave me the support to make it another hour. As time went by others began to provide support as well and warn me about getting too close thanks coolcop you were right. Then spot jumped in for support and many others in here as well. This is what the site is really about no the pissing and the moaning that a few people do from time to time. I will not forget what Ready pm me and now it’s a sign in my garage, YOU ABSOLUTELY DO NOT HAVE MY PERMISSION TO CAVE. I thank him for this, as it was some tough love that helped keep me stay quit. This was a bad time but most here have similar stories as well. I know the difference for me was having this support here to stay quit. I guess the lessons learned was to hold your distance when needed and hold out strong and embrace the quit every moment for this I will never forget.

I don’t care what anyone say about me but Hooter girls are true quit supporters and only want to bring you cold beers and some ok wings and show you some really nice body shots.

Went out to Snows 100day HOF in California and our mission was to visit several different Hooters around his town and take in the scenery. It was great and Kdip flew in and we met up and I got to meet Slug and KD and his wife and Snowbordem and his fiance at the local wings joints. Check out the picks I am the tall cute one (J.K.). Once I got home someone on the site asked if it was a problem to just meet up with strangers in a different town. I told him we were not strangers and we shared a addiction, I guess we could all call it something different I just know it felt good to be able to meet up with other quitters and not feel like the only one that went down this trail.

My next and final chapter of my HOF speech is also my most difficult to discuss in public. I have had two experiences that have left me feeling like a failure or even worse a factor that may have made things worse. First was EMT and the second was Moose. I got into a friendship with Matt (sorry Moose) via texting, and calls and we shared so much alike. I felt Matt as a brother that would be there through anything and In front of everyone. Well Matt had some real bad shit go down in his world and thought that a dip would help make it better. He now knows that this was a real dumb-ass move and felt even worse for even taking the dip than we did for him caving. What came next was what I still struggle with at time about the harsh bitter treatment Matt received before anyone even really knew what happened. I have learned and support the position that there is no excuse ever for a cave. But there also must be some compassion as well when someone stumbles along the way with their life or quit. I know more what happened than most I guess but refused to lower Matt down to the wolves, because some others said he was weak. Well I know that when someone says that they need to be able to walk in the shoes of others. There are a few guys that have not figured out there are some benefits to different approaches when someone stumbles and why we must provide support when possible. This tough guy macho bullshit does not cut it. I know we are all scared that we to can slip and take that one dip to cause our failure in our quest to be dip free. I do not apologize for this, only for my failure to be able to help out EMT. I know some will not agree with this but in the end it’s my way of dealing with this and that’s all I really need in the end.
I sit here one hour after my HOF has arrived and I feel that I have made it to a new level. I now know that my quit must be worked at each and every day and that the only way I can be sure to stay quit is to stay around here and help others in there quit. I will be here to help Pay it Forward (thanks Gump) in whatever way I can. Just one more side note the call sign comes from the greatest movie ever made it is 2001 Space Odyssey. Take care Rick (HAL)

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Hal

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