Like many others my addiction to the can was more than just a habit, it was a way of life. When I took that first pinch I never imagined it would evolve into what it became but it did, 3 cans a day, when I traveled to Nigeria I packed 50 CANS to make sure I would have enough, I was willing to pay duty but was never asked. There was no end in sight and I was destined to live my life out with a mouth full of chew until it finally brought me down but then I met all of you…..
I remember the day I made the decision like it was yesterday, I was talking to the kids the previous day and explaining to them that life can be a real bitch sometimes and you have to suck it up and take your licks and while it sucks at the time, in the end it makes you stronger. The following day at work it was like someone just smacked me in the face and I realized how the hell can I lead without being willing to fight myself? So that day, after work I walked in and sat the kids down I told them. I told them that if they were ever going to be leaders they had to be willing to get in the fight to. So, with that, I said if you can fight I can fight and dumped my final 2 cans of Grizzly.
I had the will but not the way and KTC gave me that. In the early days I would get physically ill but I fought! My solution was running so I ran and if I urged again I ran some more and if I STILL had urges, you guessed it I kept running. I had a hard time figuring out how to post which has now become 2nd nature. After a few days Chickdip sent me an e-mail and said so you gave up huh? Many do! and while I hadn’t given up I told her I was still trying to figure out how to post roll. Once I had that down I began to read the comments and saw I wasn’t alone. My son once said to me, if it were me I would just be sick for a month and be done with it and I realized as petty as losing a boyfriend, a football game or getting a B sounds to us, to the kids the addiction is equally as petty but the fight is equally difficult.
I was on group me and began texting Nboling84 when I would have a rough day or just to make wise ass comments to get my mind off of it in the hopes that I was helping with his fight too. One night, I think it was a Saturday I was having a tough time with the quit and I picked up the phone and dialed Njohns23. When he answered it became real! Here I am on a Saturday night calling some guy I had never met talking with him about my life. To most this would seem crazy but to those of us that have been through it, it seems completely normal now.
After a couple of months disaster struck, I wanted to be done, my plate was full and I no longer thought I could uphold my responsibilities to the group, while I thought I could maintain my quit I thought if I couldn’t post or comment to others I would be letting them down but something in me told me that number was still needed so I texted it. We relied on complete honesty and I did not feel that the story I had was mine to tell. Then my phone rang, and it rang again….. I began to realize that our group represented so much more than the quit. It was now no longer a group of quitters as much as it was a group of friends that have been through battle together. What in my life brought me to this point where I am talking to some random guy in Indiana about his job, texting pictures of the family to someone in North Carolina or relating to someone who has a pissed off wife because he has to work during a concert his wife bought tickets to? While I may never have the answer to that question what I do know is that my quit would never have stayed alive without it because I will be damned if I am going to let those people down.
I wanted to return to roll but knew it would be hell, some pushed for me to get back on there, Daisy took a pretty solid beating and was considering leaving but it was one text, one person that reminded me of something my daughter had said as I was driving her to practice that pushed me through and made this speech possible “Daddy i’m not going to hide my scars, if people judge me for that I don’t want to be their friend anyway”
This speech is dedicated to the strongest girl I know, the greatest wife and kids I know and to everyone at KTC for helping make what once seemed impossible possible. “Once you learn to quit it becomes a habit” – Vince Lombardi