Here I sit with 100 days of quit behind me. This is considered our second milestone to most…. the first being our quit day. We all say things that sound so cliché as quitters. We quit one day at a time. We will worry about tomorrow when the time comes. We quit for today. I am on my 100th day one. The further into my quit I get, the more I relate to these tools (Physical tools..not tools like my quit brothers and sisters). I say tools because they are all valuable pieces of quit knowledge that mold us as we kick the habit. It’s easy to take our quit for granted and forget that we are all nicotine addicts. It’s easy to forget how we got here. It’s easy to piss away a quit as has been proven by numerous people in the past. The cliché sounding things are exactly what helps us advance….one day at a time. Our chances of success are greater if we follow three simple steps in my opinion.
1. Post roll every day. This is the single most important thing we can do as quitters. When we fail to post roll we forget what got us here and how we quit successfully.
2. Rely on your quit brothers and sisters. April 2012 started out as a rather dysfunctional group. We bumped each other like I stroke the pork sword (all the time). Our serial bumpage increased our accountability. We developed an odd sense of respect for each other because of our bumping ways. We could take out or rage on people when they bumped us and turn it into a joke as well. We found ways to vent our frustrations while having fun at the same time. This is key!! Don’t let your frustrations derail your quit!
3. Lastly…quit for yourself. About midway through my quit, my wife said “The girls and I are so thankful you quit for us”. I had to make a slight correction. I informed her that I didn’t quit for anyone but myself. Granted, I use the people I love the most as motivation as well, but I quit for me. My livelihood and happiness depends on my strength and determination to quit. I don’t need to quit for anyone else. I need to quit for me. When someone caves they aren’t caving for anyone else. Be responsible for your own actions. We let nicotine define us too long. Take a stand and make positive changes.
I am quite possibly one of the rarities in the realm of quitting. I had never really even tried to quit in 19 years of dipping. I had said I would quit and made empty promises before, but I had never tossed a can, made it through a day with no dip or even tried for that matter. I was watching the biggest loser, and one of the contestants was a dipper. The doctor on the show was talking about how bad dipping was, and it opened my eyes. I had made the decision to quit. I made the only mistake of my quit at that moment though. I tossed my can to my wife. I said “Hide this….I am quitting, but if I fail, I may need it”. I left the door open. Thankfully my setup for failure never took hold. On day 2, I asked her to give me the can and I flushed it. I was quitting(not trying to quit…I was doing it) after a can per day habit. My first three days were comical to say the least. The images are still vivid in my head as well. I quit on January 10th and coasted to bed and woke up the next morning. I wasn’t much of first thing in the morning dipper, but once 9 am rolls around I had one in the rest of the day.
On the 11th of January, 9am arrived and I thought I needed a dip. I fought through it. This whole time I kept thinking “this shit sucks!”. I made it through my first real crave. The fog really hadn’t crept in on me yet. Noon rolls around and off to lunch I go. I go to Subway for lunch and as I leave, it hits me like a Mack truck. A daily trigger that stung! I always dipped right after lunch. The nic bitch was playing for keeps. 5 pm rolls around and I leave work. I need a dip for the 20 minute drive home! SHIT! I go to Wal-Mart looking for fake chew. They carry none. I go to another Wal-Mart —- same result. I go to 5 different gas stations….nothing. SHIT!!!!! I drive 10 minutes and pull over again at a gas station. NO FAKEY! I buy a can of beef jerky and have it emptied over the next 10 minutes. This is when a breakthrough occurs. I tell myself that as a quitter, I don’t need fake or anything. I never again relied on anything in my lip. I relied on what I was learning at KTC. I relied on the live chat. I relied on my quit brothers and sisters. I relied on raging. Obviously I made it through this tough time and I blundered my way to day 2. Day 2 was foggy and I can’t remember as many details. I know I earned a lot of money at work for doing NOTHING productive. The same can be said for day 3. As the fog lifted and I continued on to day 4, my quit took a nice turn. I was no longer relying on nicotine. I was free again. I was encountering triggers daily and I was winning. I was rewiring my brain and associating new things with activities that had previously been linked to dipping. To be honest, I have had very few craves since day 3. I have had a few, though nothing serious. I have had a pretty easy time to 100, but I know that at any moment, the bitch is ready to pounce on me like two-bit whore. I have prepared myself in a way that I am not worried. I expect the nic bitch to linger. I will win! I quit like fuck.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give to any future quitter than may help them, it’s this:
That moment in your quit when you feel like caving…..when you feel like throwing in the towel…..think about all of those before us. The quitters and cavers alike. How do YOU want to be labeled? Make a decision and stick to it.
My journey is not complete but rather just beginning. Today I start over on day 1. I quit with all of you today….my 100th day 1.
I hate to begin to name names since I know I am going to be forgetting people. Please take no offense to it as so many people have helped shape my quit and be valuable teachers along the way.
Gmann – The ultimate ghey. The very first person to message me on KTC and guide me. Offered his support and held me accountable by requesting my presence posting in April 11 as well.
Grizkill – Not only do we share the same job, but I also cyber stalk his pics on facebook and fap to his lady. I could always rely on giving him a hard time in chat and having his support.
Tarpon – A great quit brother. Almost as ghey as Gmann. Always was there in chat when times were tough.
BigSky – one of the first number I got on the site.
Tex – My fellow member of the pork swords. Comedy at its finest!
Klark – another one that held me accountable and requested posting in January 2010.
Big Brother Jack – Also demanded me to post with March 2006. A true badass quitter. Honored to quit with you and Cliff!
Michelle – My first woman of KTC I hit on. <3
CNC, NOLAQ, markr, forbes, dippy and The rest of the live chat quitters.
My April quit crew – Steve, CBird, Tstahr, ERDVM, BWB, dethan, moondawg, caroline, smackaduck, reddog, MBS, script, bbm, MD, Mike, jj, RWB, hart, ptw, hokie, NV, hip, GD, JT, ranger, Irish, TJ81, J1501, Khobes, Jman and anyone else I missed. You sword strokers help inspire me. Thanks for the support and all the bad ass quitting!