Today is my 99th day nicotine free and I am honored and humbled to be a part of a great group of April Apes of Quit. My quit date on January 5th, 2015, was not an extraordinary day. I had been fed up for some time and had wanted to quit dip for months, yet I lacked the self-discipline and education needed in quitting for good. I was searching around the web on how to quit chewing and KTC was one of the first sites to pop up. I logged in as a Guest and spent the next couple hours in bed reading about all of the success stories with a grin as wide as a Pumpkin and realized I might be able to do this.
I had my first dip while playing a round of Frisbee golf during the Spring of my freshman year of college. I spotted a full can of Skoal Peach on the ground and the seal hadn’t been broken. I planned on giving it to one of my dorm buddies after the round, but was looking to take one small pinch out of it just to experience the intoxication one time. The moment was crystallized in my memory for years, and what a huge mistake that decision turned out to be. I put a small pinch in between my lip and tongue, set the can down- and almost fell on my ass. I can just faintly remember being miserable- queasy, lightheaded, disoriented. I didn’t really like it and gave the rest of the can to my buddy. Fast-forward to sophomore year at a new school– I used to walk across the entire campus to buy a fresh can and would walk back to the enjoyment of my nasty little Skoal Peach or whatever I was using. I would put one in the shower every now and then when bored or sad/blue. This habit quickly turned into a full-blown addiction where I would dip while doing homework, playing golf, driving, working, etc. My Grizzly and Kodiak cans were there for me for all occasions and their corresponding emotions- it was the only constant in my life for awhile. I became an around-the-clock slave to the Nic Bitch. Gotta mow the lawn? Need a dip for that. Need to check my bank statement online and stressed what the balance is? Need a dip for that. Need a little creative inspiration for a ten page paper? You bet I had a fat, ugly wad in my mouth. Score a hot date for the weekend? Time to put a disgustingly unneccessary amount of Kodiak in my mouth and blare my favorite song in the car, usually something rowdy like “Breath” by Pearl Jam.
The “fun” phase of the addiction moved down the spectrum to “cumbersome, isolating, depressing, etc.” I would leave poker parties with family to run home and dip. Buddies constantly gave me ideas on how to quit, but I could hardly muster the willpower to quit for even a half of a day. I stayed up much later at night to throw one last dip in. And worst of all, I was unproductive and worthless without my crutch. Right before quitting for good I had a breaking point: I was having a tremendous amount of trouble falling asleep at night and even pulled a few all nighters and followed that up by working a twelve hour shift. I was doing major damage to my body and, finally, said I can’t do this to myself anymore. Furthermore, my addiction had slowly deteriorated all confidence I had in myself. The abuse went on for roughly 7 years before stumbling upon KTC.
Don’t think you have the balls to quit? Let’s put things in perspective. Before joining KTC and posting my Day 1, I tried everything to quit. Gave it the ol’ college try all the time. I said I’d quit once the semester was over or once I graduated college. Never happened. Or when I got my first big boy job out of college. Didn’t happen either. My best friend in college once chased me around the house we lived in because I was determined to buy a fresh can after telling him recently that I had quit. My case was hopeless. “Joe will be dipping until the day he dies” one of my buddies said.
Then I found KTC. I read. More importantly- I listened. Posted my Day 1 after having a mini-meltdown trying to figure out how to Post Roll. (I’m not the brightest bulb sometimes :p)
Since quitting, I have had little trouble getting to sleep outside the first couple weeks. I have much more energy, clearer thoughts, more patience at work and in general, much higher self-esteem and greater outlook on life. I have noticed I am mentally sharper and much more at ease with my self. I am much more sociable and not constantly worried about where and how I’ll get my next fix. KTC provided me with what I couldn’t ever do by myself: it kept me accountable and created a brotherhood full of real people that have gone through exactly what I’ve gone through. I’ll will be forever indebted to all of the badass quitters I’ve met on KTC and all of the resources that have made my quit a reality. Tomorrow is day 100, but I constantly remind myself that every day free of the poison is means to celebrate. Cheers!
Join me tomorrow and quit this nasty crap. One day at a time. Never again for any reason. 1 dip is too many and 1 million is never enough. Thanks KTC