Well, here I am again. HOF Round 2. About a year and a month ago I entered the HOF for the first time here on KTC. I didn’t post a HOF speech, and I half-heartedly posted role after entering these hallowed grounds. Not long after, I dropped off the site. Some of you know the story of how I caved, but it isn’t worth retelling here; the simple truth is that I caved. No excuses, nothing to blame except my own stupidity. I had returned to the can, and every time I opened it there was a small voice of nagging guilt in the back of my mind as I remembered the promises I had made to the fine quitters on this website.
Finally, on February 9th, 2014, I said fuck it and took my balls back from nicotine. I thought I could quietly return to KTC and post in my new group and it would be like a fresh start. Ha! I have never been so wrong. It took mere hours for people to realize that I was a retread, and my ass was reamed accordingly for probably a week straight. Of course, being the angry, fog-minded, and withdrawing addict that I was, I raged and pissed and moaned and blamed everyone but myself. I was being a stubborn jackass, and deep down I knew it, but finally one day I just gave in and answered the three questions and sucked it up. I took my lumps, and I tried taking them with as much grace as I possessed. Eventually, I was accepted among my Mayhem ’14 brethren, as well as the vets who had been busting my balls.
We fine quitters of Mayhem struggled through the fog together, and it was obvious that we were all confused and bitter, but then something magical happened: JamesGordon622. This gift sent from above became our rallying point, something which could unite us as a group. In the past two months I have witnessed Mayhem go from a group of pissed off and struggling quitters to a group that came together and had one hell of a laugh, and it was as though heading to our group page became a highlight of the day, just to see the antics that were occurring. I have such a deep respect for our group members, and I am proud to call myself a member of Mayhem ’14. I quit with you all every single day.
The third question is really interesting to me. “What are you going to do differently this time?” At the time, I didn’t really know how to answer it, and Rickdicolous stayed on my ass about it because I believe he knew that I wasn’t sure myself. I know now why this time is different. It’s different because I’m not just going to start half-assedly posting role and drifting from the site. I realize now that yes, this day is special; but it’s only another day in a long journey. It’s one more day in a never ending fight. It’s one more day that I can give my word to all my fellow quitters that nicotine will not win. I am here to stay, and I am grateful that I saw the light and returned to KTC. Hopefully I can now pay it forward and help some other pissed off new quitter figure out why we do what we do.
Thank you to Evil_Won, Rickdic, and Worktowin for constantly supporting me along the way, and especially thanks to Rickdic for busting my balls hard enough that I finally got what he was trying to pound into my head. You really helped me to see what I needed to do to be a true quitter. Thanks to Wedgie for constantly giving our group support and advice. A thank you also goes out to Sapper, DwD, Slug, and Krusty for being true leaders of Mayhem, and for keeping people accountable. Lipi, you may be our resident asshole, but you are our asshole, and you bring so much to Mayhem that can’t be replaced. Somebody needs to call people out on their bullshit, and you excel at it. Finally, thanks to all of Mayhem ’14 for quitting with me the past 100 days, and here’s to another hundred. Now let’s QLF…
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member rothstein57