I will start off by saying this made alcohol look like a walk in the park. Those first four days were bad, real bad.
The similarities are many though. When I started with the tobacco, it was all great. Slowly, it wasn’t always great. You all know what I’m talking about. There is that first time you realize you are out and have to get to the store at an inconvenient time. This should set off a warning bell, but I didn’t heed the alarm. More and more problems occur with the tobacco but I put them off. Then comes the time I’ve had too much for a period of time. Nasty balancing act. Feeling sick due to the quantity of nicotine in me, but I need more. This gets worse and worse. Over time there is no good to it, just a need to feed the giant, one that steals from me constantly.
I tried to quit many times. Never could string together more than a few days, a week at the most. I would always fall back to that “just one won’t hurt me” and lose. I began to get desperate and that is when I found this site. I will say, it may have saved my life. At first just knowing there were about a dozen other people out there going through the same fight I was helped. I met many people here I really enjoy talking with, all with one deadly thing in common.
Deadly things… I will mention “the gum” The nurse who prepped my mother’s body for the coroner found a handful of nicotine gum in her mouth. It took my mother seven years to choke to death, and she rode it out with that crap. Total cessation may have killed her quicker from what I saw, but she never let go of nicotine. This tells me something. During our little journey together on this site I have seen people talking about the gum. I leave that between you and what you call holy. I have also experienced some pretty nasty anxiety situations and so have some of the other people I talk with. I’ve heard many people mention it. I’ve also heard of people winding up in hospitals because of it. Pretty heavy shit. I stand on the ground that total cessation is required to get away from it, but I cannot tell someone they must put their life in danger to get to that point quickly.
I started using nicotine at about 15. During the early years of my adulthood I always had a crutch when life got “tough”. Now I don’t. This is the true test of the metal. Will I grow into being able to maintain my sense of balance without nicotine?
This was where I had most of my problems quitting before. I remember thinking I was in such pain, sorrow, whatever and really needed or deserved some tobacco. Then one day I snapped and looked inside for this “pain and or sorrow” and it wasn’t there. That little bitch. I beat you then, and I will beat you again.
I’ve been asked about my “name” Thor’s Hammer. My parents taught me the legends of the Vikings as part of our family’s heritage. Thor became my favorite because he slays the giants. The giants are anything in your life that seems impossible to defeat. These legends taught me too look at problems right in the eye and defeat them, and that little can is one mean giant!
Thanks to All in March 2010, SamCatt!!, Volp, Tcop, Dakota91, Loot, Flashman, Martin, Gregs (both of them), Redyota, Kd4jet, Rickdicolus, Sensei, Pista, Colton, Goochy, everyone else I bs with in Live chat and on rolls. I know I’ve left some people out, but there are many.