Free. I used the word in my roll call each day to remind myself that I’m free today of dip. Free of hiding and sneaking around. Free of worrying about cancer. Free to kiss my wife without her knowing I’m still dipping. Free to see my 2 year old daughter graduate, get married, and have kids of her own. Free from spitting out a dip and throwing it away just to buy another can the next day. Free to love myself enough to ignore the bullshit excuses of why I “deserve” to have a dip. I “deserve” to be true to myself and NOT dip is what it comes down to.
It really is a bitch! Nicotine is just that, a bitch! Luring you in thinking it’s cool, or everyone around me is doing it. You fall in love at first, then you start having equal parts hate for it. You “try” to quit, but when you fail and go back to it you fall in love again, cause it’s something you think you really missed. Just like a bad relationship. You think, “I’m stuck in this bad relationship forever”. Then you have to wait until you hate it again more than you love it. And your confidence is beaten down a little more each failed attempt. This quit coaster ride only ends with accountability. There’s an 80’s pop song about drug addiction called “toy soldiers”. One line is so true, “it’s true I did extend the invitation, I never knew how long you’d stay”. We all invited that first dip, but we never knew how hard it would be to beat it. Thanks to worktowin, for giving me a reminder every weekend to stay strong and he was there if I needed someone to lean on. To those newbies looking for inspiration, throw it out, sign in,post up, and reach out to a vet. “Do or do not…there is no try!” Yoda’s words really struck me I’m the early days. 100 days and I feel an incredible inner strength no one can take from me. Use the resources in this site and you too will be writing your speech. ODAAT