so last thursday i made it to 100 days or the Hall Of Fame. the journey from day 1 to 100 was relatively easy for me. i had few cravings and never had a thought of caving. i didn’t spend much time on the site and really didn’t interact with many other quitters. i found what i was looking for @ KTC, and took what i needed and left the rest for others.
i never got the anger and tough love from the vets, i just stayed the course and kept to myself. i really didn’t understand the reasoning behind the hatred for nicotine. i wasn’t tricked into dipping, no cartoon bear head packaging forced me to dip, nor did the cowboy with the ring in his back pocket, i did it to myself and have to live with that decision. when i started dipping in the late 80’s, i read an article back in the early ’90’s by Brett Butler (LA Dodgers CF) about his years of tobacco use and ensuing throat cancer. i thought to myself “that’ll never happen to me, i only dip once in a while”.
fast forward to April 1998, i have left the Army and returned to NY to go to college, serve in the National Guard and begin my life with my girlfriend (now wife). my first quit is in full swing, now nearly 8 months clean and for my birthday my best friend from the Army comes to town for a surprise visit. less than 2 hrs into his visit and i am back into the Kodiak. i never looked back until September 1st this year. now 101 days in to my 2nd quit, i have a better plan, a desire to be and stay quit, and a network and device to ensure i stay quit.
this morning i awoke to my first day as a HOFer and had the first severe craving since the first week. i felt guilty immediately and wanted to make it right (even though i hadn’t really done anything wrong). so i got out of bed and talked to my wife about my cravings. it helped to just say it out loud, it didn’t matter who i told, the craving passed as soon as i spoke the words aloud. i discovered a new part to my plan. i also realized that i’ll never be free from my weakness for nicotine, but i can control my weakness and urges one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
to summarize, i want to be quit and stay quit. i will b/c i have a solid plan and close support as well as the introspective knowledge of my own weakness and how to combat those desires. i quit for me, for my family, and for my life.
i wish long, full, happy, healthy lives to all of you here @ KTC. may your quits be strong and long, like my johnson!