Beginning of a Long Road
SO, here I am, 100 days into my decision to quit. I had originally thought I wouldn’t write a Hall of Fame speech, not everyone does. 100 days is a great accomplishment but just the beginning of a long road ahead and I’m not one that typically puts my thoughts and feelings out there for all to see. Also, I hate to mention individuals by name for fear of forgetting anyone, as there have been so many of you that have played a huge roll in my quit but I’ll do my best. For now, I’ll just tell my story as long as it may be.
Like most of you, I had used nicotine for a long time…20+ years. I had attempted to quit many times over the years but always went right back to it. It always started with a drink with friends then just taking a drag of someones cigarette. That led to bumming a few smokes throughout the evening and eventually buying my own pack within the next 24 hours. Why did it lead to all of that after just one drag? Because I’m an addict! I’m addicted to nicotine today and always will be. I can NEVER have ‘just a drag’ ever again without it leading to a daily habit.
I quit nicotine on July 7, 2012. I had been thinking about it for a long time. A couple weeks before this I visited a friend of mine at the hospital. She was diagnosed with breast cancer the first week of June and within what seemed like a few days she was having a mastectomy. While visiting with her I kept having visions, so to speak, of me being the one in the hospital bed. See, she was there and had done nothing to her body to ‘give’ herself cancer but I was visiting her, perfectly healthy, and had been poisoning myself daily since I was 16 years old. How in the world is that fair?
Once she was home from the hospital, I visited again. I took her family some meals for the week so she didn’t have to cook. When I was leaving, she saw the pack of cigarettes in my car. She didn’t preach at me at all, we all know that doesn’t work anyway. She simply said “Wow! You’re going to keep smoking after seeing what I’m going through? That’s not very smart.” She was absolutely right. I thought about it for a few days, then I quit.
I made it 44 hours before my withdrawals really started kicking my butt. I sent a text message to a friend of mine telling him I’ve “gone 44 hours without a smoke…this sucks!” He told me to “embrace the suck” and I now know what that means. My text to him was the beginning of my life of freedom from nicotine and I am forever grateful to him. He told me about the site and I spent the next 24 hours reading everything. I signed up and posted roll 4 days into my quit and have posted 100% since. As long as I keep my promise, one day at a time, I will never have to go through “the suck” again.
Other than posting roll daily before I even start my day, the reason I am still quit is the relationships I have formed on KTC/WTP. Now I don’t want to get all mushy on you gheys but I honestly would not have made it this far without you and I heart you for it. You each know who you are.
I made my way to chat within the first couple of days on the site and let me tell you, I was so nervous to even respond to the hellos after walking in on the conversation I walked in on. It wasn’t until I got a little more comfortable with the chatters that I had the nerve to actually ask what the heck a certain something meant. I won’t tell you what it was but it started with “fap” and ended with “ping”. The whole room was ‘lol’ing, ‘haha’ing, and ‘lmao’ing and there I was in the hospital waiting room (waiting for a friend in surgery) looking like a complete idiot, laughing at my iPad, about to pee my pants because one of the quitters (heart him so much) actually answered my question. A couple people in the waiting room got up and left. It was by far the funniest moment I’ve had in chat.
Aside from chat, I owe a huge amount of thanks to my daily texters. Be it a group text with my favorite gheys or a personal text from various quitters just checking in, THANK YOU! You have helped to make my quit stronger with every message you send…especially the “FU MONDAY” pics!! You have been witness to the angry, moody, bitchy, nic rages as well as strong shoulders to cry on when my emotions got the best of me. Thanks for being there for me no matter what.
If you’re already quit, congrats on making what may possibly be the best decision of your life. If you’re not, you need to be and we can help. Pay attention to the vets, they kinda know what they’re talking about. Make some friends. It’s very important you get to know a few other quitters so you can lean on them when life’s challenges get to you. Be there for others! This will strengthen your quit more than you know. I quit with you all one day at a time.
I want to thank these quitters that have been with me for the long haul. They know exactly what they mean to me… Bruce-the pool boy, Bigwhitebeast-the pool boy’s ghey lover, Crockett- the goat loving firecracker, Swede- my CA quitter, Tarpon- my Papi, TeachTy- my rock, Timeless- the smartass, Vadge- the quitter with the coolest sexts (Tigers are awesome!), Roamcountry- the sensible one :), and Stampfly- the crazy tell it like it is camouflage quitter…LOVE YOU ALL!
Honorable Mentions in no particular order and for many different reasons…Wedge, Cbird65, SirDerek, DennyX, Auburn, Cmark, tarpon17, sudsmccracken, Big Brother Jack, FloridaLuke, dr jones 25, copingwithoutcopen, Brotherofnomosko, Tcope, Newcal, P23, Sox2012, Divine, Kdip, Keddy, Sacubsfan, Bis-cut, Mthomas, Keddy, 30yrAddict, coopbeansmom, Healthy-New-Me, amgdenney, Samcat, copenhagengal, Greg5280, flashman, Becs, syndrome…Thanks!
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member 2mch2lv4