About five years ago I took a six month “hiatus” from nicotine. I stopped dipping for this amount of time, only to be offered a cigarette while enjoying a few too many adult beverages. I bummed a couple Camel Lights from high school friends I hadn’t seen in a decade. It felt like old times. In the moment, man, it felt right.
The problem is that this nostalgia distorted my memory. Nicotine had intertwined its malicious self into every waking thought, every fond memory, and even my subconscious with those dastardly dip dreams. I used to look back as fondly at nicotine as I did on my first high school crush. When the reality is I could barely drive, had to be home by 10 p.m., and an awkward handjob in a Dodge Neon ain’t as fucking beautifully reminiscent as I’d made it out to be.
The point of all this rambling being; I did not know how to embrace my quit until I found this website. When I used to have a crave, I would try to ignore it, and think of something else until it passed. Kill The Can allowed me to interact with fellow quitters who were going through similar problems as myself. Much like one cannot avoid problems in their day to day life, one cannot ignore nicotine, and the omnipotent grasp it had on our lives. Ignorance begets complacency, complacency begets acceptance, acceptance begets a cave.
Now, I don’t look at nicotine as something “I gave up” or something “I can’t have anymore”. I made a conscious decision FOR ME to drop that devious bastard, and I am going to fight like hell each and every day to keep it that way. We should be Proud as hell to wake up and make our promise. Looking back longingly is the absolute wrong approach. It took this website for me to come to terms with what now seem like simple facts. If nicotine withdrawal is giving you anxiety, go to a doctor, dip isn’t going to fix that. If you are worried that your teeth are going to fall out, go to the dentist, dip isn’t going to fix that, and so on it goes.
I’ll wrap this up by thanking some Vets and Rawktober members that I am eternally grateful for in strengthening my quit. Thanks to 240 Bravo and Sean Fiske for putting up with daily text messages and some illicit memes these past few months. Thanks to Samrs for the random dad jokes, Cochese for being a voice of reason, 69 Franx for reaching out and introducing me to new vets, Chewie the O.G., Broc for being Broc, Croak and BBQ and the rest of you members of the Rawk Mafia. Keep on keepin’ on. Peace.
-Jay Med (CLE Fan)