Declaration of Independence From Nicotine

Freedom From NicotineWhen in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands which have connected them with addiction, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.  –That to secure these rights, websites are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of addiction becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new freedoms, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that relationships long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off that bitch, and to provide new Guards for their future security. –Such has been the patient sufferance of these KTC’ers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former self abuses. The history of the present Nic Bitch is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Brothers. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

She has refused us freedom, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
She has forbidden us to enjoy times with our families
She has refused to pass us the ability to not look like a loser with a cat turd in our mouth
She has called together legions of marketing companies to tell how how hot she is
She has dissolved our self esteem
She has refused for a long time our cries to get her fucking claws out of us
She has endeavoured to prevent blessed freedom
She has obstructed our visits to doctors and dentists
She has made our brotherhood dependent on her Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
She has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
She has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
She has affected to render the Military dependent on her of and superior to the Civil power.
She has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving Her Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed marketers among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off pieces of our friends wrecked with cancer:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of not spilling a disgusting spit cup:
For transporting us beyond Seas fully packed with her poison for fear of not finding her on other shores
For abolishing the free System of driving anywhere without having to stop at a c store
For taking away our dignity, abolishing our most valuable relationships, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Freedom:
For suspending our own integrity, and declaring herself invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
She has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of her Protection and waging War against us.
She has plundered our bodies, ravaged our health, burnt our pride, and destroyed the lives of our people.
She is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized organization.
She has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their brothers, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
She has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless marketers, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Woman whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our addicted brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by the bitch to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our decision to be done with slavery. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of those who choose freedom from the use of nicotine, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of KTC, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Brothers are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent ; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Nic whore, and that all financial and mental connection between them and the fucking whore, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Brothers, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Brotherhood may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member tgafish

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