The decision to become quit was easy, the thought of the struggle I would endure was what always kept me from the freedom. My life as revolved around nicotine…. Driving/after a meal/hunting/fishing/working/running- You name it… a chew was great at all times. It satisfied my appetite, it cooled my emotions/stress… and I looked cool as can be with it in. Seeing another chew brother chew deserved a head nod while driving or raising my spitter for a salute. I was completely controlled by nicotine for 25 yrs.
Jan 1, 2015 was the day the Lord led me to realize I was killing myself and choosing a drug over myself, family, and friends. I went out New Year’s Day with a buddy of mine (who did not chew), but his brother did….. that is until he told me he had been 167 days clean with help of the “killthecan.org”. After a conversation with him and the jealousy (my competitive nature) I had for him- that he quit and I stilled chewed, I walked to the bathroom (undercover) and dumped my full can of Kodiak. I sat in the bathroom and prayed for strength on this journey- for I knew it was going to be hardest choice I would make in my life.
There were several other triggers to my commitment to quit leading up to Jan 1, 2015. Around Christmas, my 9 yr old daughter told me she did not want me to walk her down the aisle of her wedding with my mouth cut off…. That was tough to be lectured by my little girl and know she was right. Secondly, my 10 yr old son became really sick around Thanksgiving. Nolan required an ER surgery of his intestines that kept him up in Children’s Hospital for a week. He was 75lbs prior to the issue and came home 55lbs. It was a condition he was born with (that we never knew about). Today, he has pretty much made a 100% recovery. It is nothing short of a miracle he is here today and back to hoops and baseball at an everyday basis. With that said, the realization of losing my oldest child made me understand what it would be like for my wife and 4 children to lose their husband/Dad. God has a plan for all of us….. his plan for me to quit was 99 days ago. I will not give up, for he did not give up on me.
Today is my 99th day 100% clean of nicotine. When today is complete, I will reach my first milestone with killthecan. To me, every day will be a milestone for the rest of my life. As every quit brother will say- “One day at a time”.
As tears hit my eyes through this “speech”, I am thankful for killthecan. I could not have not have done this without the accountability of roll call. I will continue to do my part in roll call and the quest to help others to be quit. God is good!
QLF to all my brothers!