Freedom, it has different meanings to everyone and over the past year for me? The meaning of freedom has completely changed…
I had tried dip before, thanks to being a part of FFA, playing football, and Ag class; I had my first taste at the age of 15. My 18th birthday was pretty uneventful (it’s in August), we were just wrapping up two-a-days in football, so I was just going home to relax. In came my older brother and a friend who both wish me happy birthday. The friend asks me what am I going to do now that I’m 18….”I have no idea” I answered. So he told me I have to go buy some cigarettes, well I don’t smoke, and I never have cared for it, so I laughed. He told me to go guy buy it anyways, he says “it’s just a freedom thing”…my dumb ass went and bought a bag of Red-Man.
Fast forward 9 years..the nic bitch still has control over me. Lots and lots of changes, people, lifestyle, music, girlfriends, but the nic bitch was always there. She was my dearest friend, she was always there for me and I would do anything for her. Until Nov 20th, 2011. I was out and running late for work so I couldn’t stop and get my usual 3 cans of grizzly straight, man that day was hell, I left an hour early, ran to the 711 and bought 3 cans, I couldn’t get to my car fast enough. Jumped in the car, grabbed my knife and cut it open, oh the aroma, oh that rush, the burn felt sooo good….Wait, what the fuck am I doing, this shit has complete control over me, am I an….ADDICT?? I sat there pondering a quit, I mean, I did promise my wife I would eventually quit right? Nov 21st, 2011, after I dipped the hell outta 2 of the 3, my jaw hurting, lips pretty much numb, I got on Goggle and search ‘how to quit dipping’. I find this pretty cool site killthecan.org, so I read around and decided to quit. I threw out my last can, wow, I didn’t want to but I let it go and it felt so good, it felt like I had complete control over my life, IT FELT LIKE I HAD FREEDOM!
3 days later, after feeling like a train ran over me, I looked up killthecan.org again and joined, started reading about these guys who quit after 30 years of dipping, FUCK! That’s longer then I’ve been alive!! Is KTC the miracle cure I have been looking for!? That was literally my mind set, I was weak and I was pathetic when I dragged my sorry ass in here. Posted an intro and immediately got hit up, a few pissed me off and a few others were just guiding me along, and all were appreciated. What I learned those first 3 days of reading was my brother’s friend was correct, it is just a freedom thing.
Now that didn’t just ‘click’, it took a lot of me chatting with vets in the chat room, a lot of me reading the words of wisdom, HOF speeches and even now I’m just starting to grasps what it means to be quit, to take it one day at a time. I feel like Souliman- “Now I can walk through walls and my quit can talk to god. That’s right. Crazy voodoo magic quit.”…but I feel strong, I feel I can do anything, but I will never forgot one simple, yet so very important thing….I AM AN ADDICT. I will be an addict today, tomorrow and I will be an addict 30 years from now. And as long as I have that, KTC and my quit brothers, I will be quit, I WILL BE FREE!
Ok, now thank a few people…
Souliman- I thought you were a dick on my intros, when I go back and read what you said, I have to say thank you for the sound advice
30- The first person to reach out to me. Also, read so much of your stuff when I was craving
Bigsky- first FU to reach out to me
SamCat- Was there the first time I got on Chat on day 7, 93 days later, is still right there with me, thank you!!!
Tex/Corn- You guys were the cornerstone of FU, thank you!
CBMan- I love you man, no homo (ok, a little homo)
Grizz- thanks for pushing me along the way and chatting me through a nasty funk
Atlas- came late, but one of the best quit brothers I have
Everyone in chat, that helped get through a couple craves (Klark, Copehater, Gator, Dippy, The Col, Dr Vadge, Rated, Coach Steve, BWB) thank you guys
TO THE BEST MOTHER FUCKING QUIT CLASS EVER FEB. ’12!!! YOU ALL FREAKING ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll meet you on the second floor….