Been quiet for a while in here, I’ve had to deal with some of the more important issues in life like marriage. I can honestly say that during this phase, not one fucking time did I want to stick cancer in my lip. Did I want to give up on my marriage? Sure, haven’t we all felt that way at one time or another? If not, consider yourself truly blessed and make sure you let your spouse know how much you love them.
What I have come to realize though is that being quit has further developed a mental resolve in me to overcome where the outlook looks bleak. That being quit drives me to be something more than selfish. That being quit inspires me to be the man my wife and children can look at as a husband/father to be proud of. That being quit is a chance to take those tools (the ones that keep me quit) and apply them to other facets of my life to make me a better me. That being quit takes discipline, attitude, perseverance, faith, and selflessness.
That being in a marriage is a lot like being quit. There are times when we feel like giving up on our quit but we don’t. There are times when we feel like being selfish but we aren’t. There are times we feel like it’s not worth the time and effort but it is. There are times when it is so fucking hard that we don’t know how we can go on one more minute but we do. There are times when we don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but it’s there. There are times when we feel no one can possibly know or understand what we are going through but there is someone.
Then, there is that time when we question who that person might be that knows and feels all this we experience and we demand an answer. The answer we get catches us by surprise and we suddenly look at this life through a different set of lenses. We look at it through their eyes and suddenly we, ourselves, look like a weak, selfish, egocentric, narcissistic, piece of shit that no one could love.
You see, being quit has made me realize that I have made some major mistakes in my life. Having tools to use to keep me quit has bled over into other phases of my life. I was not meant to travel upon this site and just be quit from tobacco. I was meant to incorporate the skills I have learned by staying quit into a process of remodeling my life. I am in an evolution of myself thanks to this site. I am becoming a better husband, a better father, a better model of behavior in my church and community, and a better person overall. I am showing that it is acceptable to be strong and soft at the same time, to be firm but gentle, and to be loving.
I am loving what I am becoming and know that the day I give in to one of my addictions will be the day that I let my wife, family, friends, and this community down. That day, with the help of you all and the Good Lord, will not come.
Thanks for reading,