Still a Dry Drunk – Still Have a Long Way To Go
Well I am on day 157 and figured I should say something. I delayed because although 100 days is an achievement, it is not by far the end all. Just the beginning. Stopping the chewing is the easy the part, now comes the hard part; changing the behavior and character flaws that got you here in the first place. At this point I am what they call in AA a “Dry Drunk”, sure I am no longer chewing tobacco but I am still supporting the behaviors by chewing the fake stuff. Whenever I get an urge which is usually at the my trigger points I put in a dip of fake stuff in my mouth.. This, in my opinion, is sustaining the chew mentality which is VERY RISKY. Although I feel safe now, in the future, perhaps even distance future, this chew mentality may lead me to go back to the real thing. You know , “Hey it’s been three years, what can one chew of tobacco do?”. The other behavior is the character issue, if I do not have a chew of the fake stuff I become grumpy and lash out or began to act like a jerk towards others.. This takes a lot work to manage since we are emotional creatures, but recognizing it is a good start.. Need to learn to control and channel it in the proper direction. In other words stop being an asshole when I do not get my way.. Deny the addiction all possible tracks to reenter your life. Then and only then can I say I quit. But I have a feeling that I will never truly be quit, just not chewing for that day.
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member TonyB