2019 HOF Speeches

The Magic of Day 99 Jdjones58 HOF

KTC Logo PurpleI begin to write my HOF speech late into my 99th day as I sit on an airplane heading home from a weeklong family vacation.   My 10 year old son is to my left (I made him sit in the middle seat this flight after giving him the window the last 3), my wife and daughter are in the row directly in front of me.  100 days ago I would be ninja dipping, concealing the dip mostly from my wife who knew I dipped but hated it.  She also would not “be cool” with me dipping in front of the kids…even though they knew I dipped too.

But here I sit 99 days dip free.  If I’m being honest with myself I did not think I would be here when I spit my last dip out.  I begrudgingly went into my quit, having postponed it multiple times over the course of 2 years.  I certainly was not “burning boats”.  I had internally decided not to tell anyone except my wife and I when I told her I left myself plenty of room for an out.  Hell, I didn’t even throw out my last tin, which was half full, just in case.  About the only thing that was “right” about my day 1 was I didn’t chew that day and I can legitimately say that I was quitting for myself.

I have dipped for 27 years (I’m 43). Coincidentally I have know my wife for 27 years and she is no different than the vast majority of all our wives…she hated me dipping.  Being the gentleman I like to give myself credit for, I would not dip around her…except on extreme occasion (removing a bathroom full of wallpaper on a hot summer day and cutting down a huge tree with an undersized chainsaw come to mind).  Regardless of that arrangement she hated it and has pleaded with me to quit for many years.  Problem was I wasn’t ready.  She made completely logical and valid arguments for me to quit but nope, I wasn’t ready.  She couldn’t understand how I could not even try to quit when it was something that was important to her.  I couldn’t understand it either but I knew I wasn’t ready to quit.  She insinuated I was addicted, that I was an addict!  “Come on babe….really?  I’m not and addict, I can quit whenever I want. I just don’t want to, I love my Kodiak, it relaxes me.  I know you don’t like it, that’s why I don’t do it in front of you.”

As it turns out…I am an addict.  27 years of Kodiak, my life revolved around a tin.  Everyone of you reading this (insanely long) diatribe is very familiar with a day in the life of a dipper because it’s about the same for all of us.  We manipulated our days in orbit around a tin.  We made decisions solely on the impact it would have on our dip.  From the insignificant act of buying a .99 water at the gas station just to dump it out for a spitter to the much more impactful loss of quality family time as you instead sneak off by yourself to dip.  Coming to the real revelation that I was an addict was my game changer and it didn’t occur until I was already days into my quit…and it probably wouldn’t have occurred without KTC.

That’s what KTC was for me, an information resource cobbled together from people who have walked in my exact shoes.  I came for reviews on fake dip and I ended up with endless amounts of knowledge that is refreshed daily.  Over the course of the first few months of my quit the knowledge shared by the KTC community is what set me on a correct path.  I learned why it was important to “burn boats”, celebrate wins, make and keep promises.

It is not for the faint of heart.  Right or wrong the culture of KTC is a purpose driven locomotive…not some San Fran trolly car. I’m not going to take a huge detour here and dive in to the complex dynamics of the site but I do want to touch on one thing in hopes of helping a new KTC member who might be reading this as they begin their quit.  Use this site as your tool belt in your quit.  Take what you need to get through the day, leave the rest but know it’s there because you might need it tomorrow.  Please don’t read the above as an endorsement to “post and ghost” or an invitation to add no value to your quit group. Take it as an acknowledgement that different people need different things at different times.

In order to really follow the above advise it’s going to take some work.  You are going to need to understand what tools are available.  You are going to have to put in some time understanding the forum and the people on it and you are going to have to put some trust in strangers on the internet.  That last part is the toughest for most, if not all.  It’s also further compounded by the early “drama” of the veterans working to instill the KTC culture on a fresh group of quitters.  That’s why, to me, it’s important to keep in mind…take what you need that day and leave the rest.

So I’ve written so much my 99th day is now over….I’m on day 100!  I’ll conclude with two more quick thoughts.  First a thank you to my fellow February 2019 quitters and the veterans that prodded us along.  We were not the most social group (side note Big Irv does not like group texts), but we were/are steady. If needed I feel as though you would each support my quit as if it was your own and I hope y’all feel the same from me.

Lastly a random observation about day 99.  I would venture to say day 99 on the KTC forum has the historically least amount of caves.  In fact I would further surmise that there has never been a caver on day 99.  There is probably some pretty heavy psychology behind that involving goal oriented thinking and the addict mind but what I put fourth for all of us is much simpler…if you find yourself in a dark craving place staring at a cave remember your day 99.  Nothing on earth would let you cave on day 99.  In your mind go back to that day, make it be that day and force yourself to once again arrive unscathed to day 100.

Josh “jdjones58” Jones

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member jdjones58

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