What An Addict Brain Does
Richard Pryor once said “I’m not addicted to cocaine, I just like how it smells”. That was me pretty much… different animal, but the same stink. I wasn’t addicted to chew, I just loved the flavor. Skoal mint was so refreshing it was like sucking on an iceberg, Grizzly Wintergreen oddly reminded me of Chocolate Cake, you know the kind mom used to make, and RedMan tasted like a good ole fashion handful of raisins, mmmmm. This is what an addict brain does. It causes you to romanticize about things that those not addicted can easily see the fault in.
My addiction literally had me seeing unicorns. It would be a lie if I said I didn’t know about all of the negative consequences of chewing. I can’t say I didn’t have support from family or loved ones telling me how bad my addiction was. I most certainly can’t blame it on my peers, because for the most part I’m not surrounded by other nicotine fiends. My addiction had me believing in things that did not exist, yet made me feel like they were as real as the Easter bunny (in case my kids read this, no spoilers lol).
Unfortunately, for me I had to hit bottom to see clearly. I needed my wife to ultimately say I am no longer attracted to you as a dipper, to see the light so to speak. The thought of my family being broken because of my addiction was too much. The fact I couldn’t see it coming, or I guess could see it coming and didn’t do anything to stop it really angered me. As I’m writing this now, 102 days into my quit, it still makes me sick to my stomach.
In an effort to prevent me from going on anymore of a rant, I’ll end with this. If I can take one positive from my addiction, it’s that I can understand how someone can do something for so long that causes so much damage to them and the ones they love, yet still believes there is nothing wrong. That’s where KTC is so crucial to a quit! The support here from those who are walking the walk is like nothing else. Stay active, stay supportive, but above all stay quit!
JR918
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan community member JR918
