Well fuck me in the goat ass! One Hundred days down and a LIFETIME to go (not to mention the $499.00 saved!!!).Who would have thunked this crazy shit 101 days ago.
I have got to be one of the luckiest people alive. Not only have I kicked the little Nic bitch to the curb, but I have met some great people in the process. I know that this is not a finish line, but rather a checkpoint in life without her.
As I think back it is already hard to fathom being a slave to the round can to the extent that I was. Not only that, it is amazing to think that I lied for so long, and to so many people about my problem. How can you go 8 straight years of dipping a can a day behind your loved ones back? Unfortunately it is easy. $15 -$20 cash a week can be hid easy. Gas prices fluctuating and credit cards make it simple. The money is not the hard part. The hard part was resisting the temptation to dip in front of them. Always craving one, it was sometimes worth the risk. I do not miss these days and look with great hope towards the future.
While I was a closet dipper, this does not mean that my wife had absolutely no idea. The 1st time I got busted was actually by a blood test for insurance. Damn did that suck. My wife works for an insurance company and she physically went down to the ladies desk (who sold her the insurance) to tell her that there was a mistake in the test results cause I did not use tobacco. Q – How much fun did I have coming clean on that one. A – NONE. Every so often after that she would ask, but I highly doubt she had any idea how much, how often or when I was doing it. When I told her I quit she asked if I dipped at work. “Only 8 hours a day”, I thought, but answered with a simple yes. Over the years she would find a can here or a can there. As we all know though, any can she found was an empty can, cause God forbid we let a full can out of our sight. “No honey I don’t do it very often anymore.” Yeah right. Like I said, what an effen joke. If I heard my daughter ask why I liked the “school man” one more time I was going to puke. Here recently my son asked my wife why daddy ate fish food. When my wife inquired what he was talking about he said “you know, that stuff in the little round can.” Damn I’m glad he asked her and not me. I would have felt so bad (not like I don’t still – luckily this was into my quit).
How pathectic was I? I mean really. What the hell kind of power did this shit have on me? Am I that weak willed?
– I’ll quit on our anniversary. Yeah right.
– I’ll quit when you get pregnant. Yeah right.
– I’ll quit after our beautiful first born son arrives. Yeah right. “What’s that?” “You say you forgot a brush or something from home?” Why don’t I leave you here with the new baby while I go run out and get it for you. Yes! Finally some dip time for WD. Same story with the second, my lovely daughter. Effen pathetic I say.
– I’ll quit on vacation. Drive to Orlando with the wife and kids? No problem. “No seriously honey, I like driving in the dead of night. Why don’t you go to sleep” so I can sneak in a pathetic dip for the next hour or two. “Damnit, GO TO SLEEP!”
– I’ll ween myself off by not dipping at night. “You coming to bed now” she asked. “No, I don’t think so, you go up to bed, I want to watch the news.” Yeah right. Time for the fav dip of the day more like it. Me and my Lazy Boy. Nuttin better.
– I’ll encourage her to stay up late so I can’t dip at night. “WTF do you mean you don’t want to go to bed yet? It’s late, you usually go to bed at 9:00, why are you still up?”, I’d say. BS your going to bed now! Don’t make me piss you off so you don’t want to be near me. That way I can enjoy this last dip of the day damnit! Effen LOSER!
I use to love volunteering for shit.
– Need some bread? I’ll go get some.
– Need some ice cream? I’ll be right back.
– Your almost out of gas? Why don’t I go get that for you so you don’t have to stop in the morning.
-You Name it, I’d volunteer for it if it meant getting out of the house by myself.
These guys deserve a better dad and my wife deserves a better husband.
So after all the years and all the lies, I stumble on this site one day. I had tried Wellbutrin and every other way of quitting by myself. Lets give this one a go I thought to myself. So I did. Cold Turkey. 2:00ish in the afternoon and only one hour into a fresh fatty. I had read a bunch that AM and decided to give it a go. I took the dip out, as I did a thousand times before, and set it on top of my can in my top desk drawer. You know, no need wasting it if it doesn’t work. 7 days later it still sat in my desk drawer, on top of a half full can. I think I posted that I still had it all in my desk after a week or so. Talk about an ass reaming I got then. Holy Jeez. I through it, along with the can, in the trash on a Monday. That would give me til Thursday to change my mind and still not waist that precious half can. Thursday came and went and so did that can. No pomp or circumstance. That was the point, I knew I WANTED this and COULD do it. There have been some tough times. How I didn’t cave when a couple days into my quit the message that the QS1 site will be closing shortly is beyond me. That sent me scrambling. Talk about anxiety. I finally have put my mind to quitting for good and the effen site is closing. Does this black cloud not follow me EVERYWHERE? I mean come on. I am a Bengals fan for goodness grief. Can’t I catch a break? I stayed strong with the help of others. Many of whom probably didn’t even know they were helping a sorry ass from Cincinnati.
Well here I am. Look at me now! A full fledged quitter of the 1st degree. Lets take a trip down memory lane and see how things in WD’s life have changed for him and his surroundings.
This no longer means, “time to put a dip in”
I no longer have to stop here when I have taken my last dip the night before (although it is still fun to “DriveThru” and get a 12 pack or 2.
This extra hole in my car where I use to keep a spit can is kind of cool
Every time I brake it is something other than cans rolling around in here .
There is no longer a collection of smelly cans under here
My pop is so lonely at work without its companion here.(poor emprty coaster)
The only thing in here now, is my keys and my schedule.
This no longer symbolizes the end of my 1st dip and the start of my 2nd.
This no longer means the end of my 2nd dip is 10 minutes away
I no longer need to stop here when I’ve taken my last at work.
I no longer need to “hide” my can here, when I get home (notice what I found “hiding” last night when I took the pic.).
I no longer “save” my moist fatties from my lip here in case I get a chance to get out of the house so I don’t have to “waste” a fresh one.
This, in my car, is actually blueish gray (not fury and brown).
There are no cans rolling around under here
Once the wife has gone to bed I can sit here without a fatty in
I no longer “hide” my spitter here in case the wife comes down while I’m in my chair.(only popcorn salt now)
This no longer means the dip day is done.
It is hard to know where to begin thanking people but I will give it a shot. If I forget someone, I apologize. You are ALL Pieces of my Quit Puzzle. I feel like a little School Girl right now.
To Team Independence 0706
Thank you for always being there with a smart ass comeback. I hope this never happens to you when playing your little game. Please tell me that this is not you in the blue uniform. You da man.
Thank you for being the shining light for myself and others. You have some great posts and really do make a difference. Keep it up.
Thank you for being a constant force on the same day as me. Consistent and steady to the end.
Thank you for being so reasonable. We miss you in here lately.
Thank you for being you. You are a one of a kind and I’m thankful you were in my group.
Thank you for being a pain in the ass all the time. Way to keep our roll call pretty. Now go get me some of those fries you make. Best post trophy steala’ that side of the Mississippi.
Thank you for coming in firing. It was great to see you enthusiasm in the beginning. Now get off the fence and decide if you are an Indy or a Glop. Either way you are a winner. Ohh yes, one more thing…..thanks for finding that picture of Al partying with coeds.
Special Thanks to the following in no particular order
DanOJ – Thanks for Bustin balls when my WhoDey’s got in trouble. You have a truly great HOF speech
YOU – Thanks for the ever presence of YOU. You mean so much to so many on this site. I hope you know that. Your jokes aren’t to bad either.
YOU – What can I say about you. You are a funny MoeFoe. Be thankful you guys don’t have to face the WhoDey’s this year. You would have lost.
YOU – Thank you for keeping it real (as gay as that sounds). Thanks also for your wonderful moderating skills on your BFF’s.
YOU – Thank you for your wit and always being there with an encouraging word. You are priceless my friend. I think I finally got a real Pix of you. Sweet.
YOU – Thank you for making me laugh. You too are one funny Moe Foe. Thanks for the great chats. Maybe Canada isn’t so bad after all.
YOU – Thank you for talking baseball and giving me good laughs
YOU – I can’t wait to see you in a WhoDey AV. In the mean time get back to reading your book.
YOU – Thanks for whoreing it up while you were off. Good stuff. PS your going down in the QSFFL!
YOU – Thank you for being genuine and honest and for helping myself and others out. Just so you know, this is the mental image I have of you. I think it has something to do with the old AV of yours.
Thank you, you, and you for being an example for all to see that this can addict anyone if allowed to enter their pie hole. You really helped me realize it truly can happen to anyone. Special thanks to you “cakes”, for your bright and bubbly spirit with which you traverse through the site. I always enjoy the “good mornings” and chats with you.
Thanks to you 04 guys for giving me some great reading. You guys absolutely crack me up.
I would also like to thank You23 for being there with me in the beginning. Please know that I continue to pray for you with the hope that things will start to go a bit better in your life and that some day soon you will get back in here. You have fans pulling for you. This day should have been shared with you and CFIT.
Thanks to YOU for putting a face with what this crap can really do to someone. That is some powerful stuff on your site and I appreciate you sharing your story with us and others. You are a true inspiration and I thank you.
YOU – If you only knew how vital you were to my quit. You were frank and honest when it was needed. You were never afraid to stick IT to me when I needed it. Your sense of humor is golden. You are truly one of the biggest influences to many people on this site. I want to say THANK YOU! I truly appreciate everything.
And last but definitely not least I would like to thank THIS guy. Where do I begin? He is probably one of the most honest, forthright, caring, badass, cool Moe Foes I have ever met. When MVW closed QS1 and I found out that this guy was not coming over, I was devastated. He was a huge influence in the short 2 weeks I had on the original site. Luckily for me, I went over and checked the original QS1 site chat. Guess who was there. Over the past 3 months he has done nothing but strengthen my original opinion of him. HE IS THE MAN. I am pretty confidant when I say that there is no shortage of people whose lives you have touched. I am so lucky to have met you. You are a true friend. Now, I am going to stop before people start thinking I’m a little left of center.
If you have made it this far down, I applaud you. There is nothing easy about reading my incoherent ramblings. I know cause I’ve gone back and tried to read some of the crap I’ve written. If any of you quitters are ever passing through the Nati, look me up, You know where to find me. I guess this leaves only one thing to be said: