Why I Quit From Josiahsdad

KTC Logo SepiaWhy did I quit. The simplest answer is my family. My wife had put up with this habit for the 2 years prior to us being married and the 8 years that we were married. The excuses to continue to chew (losing a son, our first child, at 5 months and another at 18 weeks), promises to stop (when our son Josiah was born, sure then I’ll quit) and the lies (honey its just too hard to do, sure I quit). The biggest reason though was my mom. See my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer in the fall of 2005. For 2 years she did chemo and did all the right things but nothing worked. Then in June of 2007 she went home with the final diagnosis that there was nothing else to do. This was the end. So for 13 weeks (an absolute medical miracle considering she ingested zero food, zero calories and zero water, and minimal pain killers), my mom said her goodbyes, righted the wrongs, prepared us for the future, played cards with her girl friends and spent every night, when I could get back home, laying in her hospital bed and me in my dad’s chair, talking with me.

The fucking audacity that I had to sit there and chew as she died of cancer. To say that nothing would ever happen to me like that. That that cancer isn’t the same thing. What a hopeless poor son of a bitch I was. Well, before my mom passed at 58 on September 10th, 2007, I promised that I would quit. It would take 11 months before I fulfilled that promise. This was 3 months after I found out that I would be a dad again. See, my mom pormised (you have to get that my mom kept a smile on her face until the day she died with that cancer slowly killing her) that she would rock our babies that were in heaven and if possible, pull some strings with the BIG GUY to help us conceive another child, as it was extremely hard for the prior 5 years. Almost 2 months to the day that I quit and exactly 1 year to the date of my mom’s death, we found out that the second child we were pregnant with was a girl. (Surely, my mom’s biggest joke she’d ever pulled on me).

Was the quit easy, for me yes. I have asked and wondered aloud why I never had really tried to quit in the past. I laugh now when I see those people with a dip in now and can’t help but laugh at the assinine bulge in their lip and their need to spit. HA! Not me, no more, no thanks! I am QUIT! I will stay QUIT! I will pass it forward and help others QUIT! This is my promise to those of you on the board that offered support, help, a wise word. TO my Big Brother Jack: you were a life saver, you kept me honest, frankly you scare me lol. Chewie thanks for welcoming me. Everyone else…thanks!!! Also, it’s a promise I keep to my expectant wife with daughter, my son Josiah (thus the nick) and most importantly, my mom!

Rangy96

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member josiahsdad

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