Today is day 100 of quit for me. What does this mean? That is an easy question to ask and a very difficult one to answer.
My story is not unlike many of the HOFers and those on their way to the Hall. I was the uberjock kid excelling at all things athletic. Then one day in high school, freshman year baseball on the way to a pre-season game a few of us in the car, driven by an upperclassman, throw in a some dip. It was Cope and I was green by the time we got to the game. Of course, trying something that makes you physically ill at the age of 15 will only make you try it again. I think as an adult I would pass on a second time, like I do certain foods, etc. So, 35 years later I’m sticking to my quit plan.
Now, I never thought of myself as a serious dipper. Yes, I would have the occasional binge where I could go through a can on a Saturday night (back in my drinking days). The fact that a can would typically last me more than week, I thought I was okay. That I wasn’t an addict and there would be no health complications. How bad could it be? If it was that bad wouldn’t I be hearing more about the awful things smokeless tobacco was doing? What an ignorant ass I was. I was taking a risk justified by an illogical and irrational thought process.
I did stop once for almost 2 years. That is why I’m not doing many cartwheels and have my pompoms out today. Yes, it is a good milestone to reach. One that I am proud of and thankful to the support found here. However, I am no longer an ignorant ass. I am educated on what it is going to take to keep this quit. I have been alcohol free for over 5.5 years. The process and rehabilitation, behavior modification for that is a lifelong process and nicotine will be no different. In fact, nicotine is the most addictive drug known to mankind. Over 72% of all nicotine users fail to stay quit.
I am an addict. I have fallen before. I do not plan on falling again. I have the resolve and plan required to stay quit.
I am an addict. These are the most powerful words. It is my belief and experience that once you can look yourself in the mirror, look your spouse/significant other/family/friend in the eyes and state, “I am an addict” you will be able to conquer your addiction.
This is why it is so hard to answer this question. 100 days is but 20% of what I have done in the past. I have been down this abyss and others. It is dark, frigid cold and can make the bravest men cowards. I have climbed out and so can anyone else. I offer my help and ask for . This is a journey one most decide to take on their own but need not travel the road alone. It is a journey better traveled among friends, among family.
My word is my bond. I will not use any dip, tobacco or nicotine today. I will give my word to the family and friends travelling with me that whether I physically post on this board each day, it is my pledge to you all.
Thank you. If I can help anyone, please let me know.