I am one of those people that decided not to write a HOF story until now, nearly 500 days past my HOF date, but the story to follow will explain to you why.
Some background on me. I was always the kid that was assumed to be straight edge prior to high school. Everyone assumed that I would always be drug and alcohol free. That would make sense because I was always very against drugs and alcohol, of any kind. I didn’t even drink caffeine. Weird huh? Well, anyways, that all changed in high school. I started smoking weed, and hanging out with the wrong crowd. Now, once I was a Junior, I thought I had gotten my life together. There was one small detail I neglected to realize. I have the personality of a drug addict (this is pre-nicotine addiction). I had 4 knee surgeries as I was going through high school. That meant, four 80 count pill bottles full of Hydrocodone. Great right? I was popping those like candy by the time I was a Junior. But “they are prescribed” I would say to try to justify my opiate addiction. Mom found out, took them all from me and flushed them. That was only my first encounter with withdrawals.
Let’s mosey on back to my Junior year.
It was the summer of 2010. My best friend had just turned 18 and we wanted to celebrate that by buying cigars for all 4 of us. We drove to the gas station, and he walked out with a can of Copenhagen Wintergreen. His reasoning? Well he told us how he had heard that you can get an awesome buzz from Copenhagen. In my mind, “awesome” lets fucking do it! So we did. But none of us even knew what we were doing. I put that shit on my tongue. WRONG. I tried again, and again until I figured it out. Now, I remember this vividly. I put a massive pinch in my lip. Like a quarter can. I felt that buzz, and man was it fucking crazy. So crazy that I wound up falling and puking. My mom always told me that’s what would happen if you tried tobacco. But fuck that, parent’s done know what they are talking about right?
I then decided that okay cool, I tried it, it was cool, I’m done with it. Wrong, if that were the case I wouldn’t know all you bastards. Yeah Flash, I’m talking about you. Now, I went on to go to my buddy’s house for a party. Same friend had a can of Skoal Snus. It must be fate. At this point, I’m drinking, and my buddy just asked If I could hold the can. I did, I held 4 of those pouches in my mouth. Later on in the night, he’s leaving and I’m crashing at the house, and he had asked if I wanted to keep the can. I told him hell yeah, I do. I was hooked, but the death grip that is tobacco. I told the same thing to everyone. I can quit whenever I want. I just don’t want to. I tried all the flavors, wintergreen, peach, cherry, apple, and citrus.
Fast forward to January 2012. I got a new job at a warehouse. What could be better, I am trying to quit and I work alone, it a big ass warehouse, standing in water cleaning river rafts and checking for holes. Can anyone guess what I did? I started again. I was 2 months clean and dip free before this job. I blamed it on the job. Because you know, something intangible and unliving makes choices for you. The following May, I started to work at a Motel. The same place I am still. I realized oh shit, how am I going to chew when I have to work a front desk and talk to people. LIGHTBULB, pouches. I took up the Welfare Bear’s cubs, or as you may know it, Grizzly Wintergreen Pouches. I would hide them in the back of my mouth, and keep a bottle under the desk to spit into. I did this for 3 years.
Fast Forward to September 2015. Woah, I’m talking to a girl. I better find a way to hide this because I know that most women find dipping repulsive. Key word “hide” not “quit.” I begin dating said girl. I continued to dip. I told her that I quit. See at this point, now what. I have to be even sneakier. What do you do when you have no spitter? You get creative. I started ninja dipping in the shower, when doing dishes, or walking the dog. Genius. Then it got worse. I started to gut it. Then I got used to gutting it and I realized, WOW I can dip all the time, and no one will ever notice! Wrong. She had found out and we got into a pretty big fight. Not about the dip, but about me lying about the dip. Addicts are serial liars. We engrained it in our brains. Post-fight, I get drunk. This is on March 25, 2016, and this is one of the best rage fueled drunken decisions I have ever made. I found KTC. I signed up, and I drunkenly posted roll with our very dysfunctional group, and found that website up the next morning. I realized wow, maybe I do want to quit, and maybe this will work for me. I fixed the relationship and I am still with the same girl.
You know, KTC has really helped me in my quit. I credit my life to KTC and the assholes that are in my quit group. I am now 506 days past when most people write these things. Mike1966 and RichardK, thanks for dealing with me even though I know I have lashed out at you two the most over my time here at KTC, especially because I am going to be here a long time.
I have learned a few things while on this site:
- Post Roll Every Damn Day. Even if you are in the hospital getting an enema, I expect your name and days quit to be posted.
- Make sure your quit is about you. Don’t make it what someone else wants, if you do, expect to fail.
- When you see a moderator blasting a member. You could always do what I do, post this . But really, you should stay out of it.
- Hold yourself and others accountable. We may be strangers but we are all brothers & sisters when it comes to quitting.
- Listen to the vets. They may seem like assholes, and they probably are, but they are assholes that have been where you are, so you have to trust them.
- Take your quit one day at a time. Truly.
-AceBoogie. Phalanx of July ’16