God, first and foremost I would like to THANK YOU for hearing me. For many months I prayed you could hear me. I prayed for you to help me. I was extremely down and not feeling very well. I never asked you to make me feel better, but to please help me be a better man. You see, if you would have made me feel better I would never have become a better man. I would have never quit. I would have kept right on doing what I was doing and going down that same path of destruction.
Instead you saw my true affliction and troubles were with the poison I was willingly self-inflicting upon myself, and you gave me the strength to put it down and walk away. You said it would not be easy, You said there will be times that test every fiber of my being, and You sure were right.
Flashback ; 12- 13 years old I met the Bitch for the second time (first time I took one of dads cigs) through a friend of the family and boy was I hooked. Everyone said, go ahead and let him have a pinch of that Cope. He will get sick and never try it again. Ha, fooled all of you didn’t I. Didn’t get sick and I liked it too. It was a casual fling until High School. I wish I had been smart enough to quit when my baseball coach busted me at my locker with a tin (Power lifting coach walked by at almost the same instant, saw what was going on and said he had been looking for that tin everywhere, said he accidentally left it in the locker room. He came back later and gave it back to me (thanks, ass).
Over the next 20+ years I became a dipping freight train. I dipped day and night, never hid it, never cared what anyone thought about it. I know what I am doing, I am invincible! If you don’t like it leave me alone.
Well here I am today, older (a lot) and hopefully wiser (a lot). On Sept 14th, before I went to sleep I asked God again to make me a better man. The next day I took a break from work and went and got two new cans at the store and went back to work. I sat down and proceeded to open one of the cans. Before I could get it open a coworker said, “I bet you can’t go the rest of the day without opening that.” Well, being it was already 5:30 I said to myself OK. I had never even tried to quit for 30 minutes before, but it was on. Larry, you were wrong, and I am glad you were. (THANK YOU)!
Now it is day5, wtf is wrong with me? I can’t think, My wife won’t even speak to me. I can’t even remember what I said. God, here is my weak ass asking for help again. I am losing my family and my mind. It was a slow Sat at work and in an effort to keep from saying to hell with it and going to the store, I hopped online looking for help. I found a few things – even the lite site, but nothing grabbed me. Then, there it was, quit snuff extreme. Ok, I have been known to be extreme, I’ll take a look.
I read stories for a bit and said, you’re here let’s do this, so I registered. Ok, what gives, what is taking so long (probably 5 minutes in real time). So I went to chat and only one person was there. The next thing I heard saved my quit.
- franpo I’m admin and I can help. Are u quit?
I spent most of the rest of the day in chat with him, redtrain, 11×4, Sam, MadX and Ready. They helped me see I can get through this, it can be done. THANK YOU!
God, you sent all these warriors to my defense. These warriors in quit. And yes we are all warriors fighting a battle most will never have the courage to attempt, more less conquer.
Over the next two weeks I spent a lot of time on KTC.I met a lot of warriors (Kdip,TCope, Hoss, Pista, jpcrew, blueclaw, Loot, Chewie, Rkymtnmn, CD, redyota, catfish, kd4jet, greg40, SM, Hydro, spot, and more). I couldn’t believe there we so many people out there just like me. Same story, same M.O., same everything. If they can do this, so can I. I can’t let them down – I Promised! (Spent so much time in chat I’m surprised I didn’t get fired).
Over the next several weeks things got better just like all of you promised. I got closer to some of those in my group and others as well: Coolcop, Gump, Rc-grizz, SBeach, Raw, Baja, Skippy, Snow, CJ, Afhawk, Pb, Hal, Lemon, Ahfull, Babs, Jled, Nate. If I left you off sorry. THANK YOU ALL! Your daily promise to me and mine to you made my quit stronger than I could have imagined.
So here I am at 100 days. A battle has been won, but only a battle. I realize I am an addict. That being quit is a lifelong war. When I see those that have been here before me are able to fight this war, I know I can too. I also hope that those that come after me are strengthened enough by this to muster the same courage to fight and win this war as well.
If this is your first time here and you are reading this and you are contemplating quitting. STOP! This is your chance to put your life in order. It is your chance to change your life. It could be the prayer you’ve been asking to be answered. Whatever your reason, choose to be Quit, choose to be a better man, Choose life – it may be your one chance to grasp hold of a new future.
THANK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AT KTC. I could not have done this without you warriors in quit. With your help I have changed my life forever. God, THANK YOU for hearing me and introducing me to these warriors. With their help you have enable me to become a better man.
I Choose to Live. There is no turning back!
Stay strong, Stay Quit!
NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member razd611