Hello Hurricane – Light at the End of the Tunnel

Mitchell avatarIt was my wife who found KTC. After another argument over Skoal and finding a trace of yet another lie and failed quit. She could never understand why I couldn’t just quit. Didn’t I love her or my 4 kids enough. Didn’t i want to quit. Prolong my life and reduce the threat of cancer. Why must I lie and sneak and hide for the frickin can.

I started chewing 26 years ago in college. I was baseball player and some of the guys and I were up 4 wheeling up in the snow covered hills above Linfield College. We had had a few beers and the bon fire was a blazing. A fellow team mate Carter offered me a dip of Kodiak Wintergreen. OMG that hit me like a ton of bricks. I got a buzz off it like none before and it was all down hill from there. Beechnut, Redman, pouches I finally settled on Cope back then. I think half our of our ball team dipped; including the coaches. I hated tobacco back then. My Grandma died of lung cancer. My mom smoked. (she now has COPD and still smokes) My Grandfather and Uncle had an occasional cigar. I hated the smell of all of them and couldn’t understand why they did it. I judged all smokers. Never thought much about smokeless though. Now I was a smokeless user! Just a few beers, a little fun up in the hills with the guys, let my guard down and bam I was hooked!

Now here I am 26 years later getting ready to celebrate my 23rd anniversary with the love of my life. 23 years! That’s 23 years of lying about my quit. Leaving receipts where they could be found. Leaving a can out in my car. A dried up dip found in the dirt of a house plant. Trace of chew on the floor or counter or in the toilet. This is characteristic of an addict. That’s not my can honey. It’s my brothers. That’s and old can. I quit babe. I haven’t had a chew in 6 months. Lie after lie after lie after lie. Can you say addict. This can crap is worse than crack I think. Why couldn’t I just quit!!!

My wife finds out I’m still chewing. I lie. Stupid, I know; but I lie. We get in an argument. I storm off. I eventually apologize. Plan a new quit, even though I don’t want to. That’s the crazy cycle folks. Hello Hurricane!!!

I knew it was bad for my health. I hated sneaking around. I kept friggn’ spitting though. Most the jobs I have held as account manager or sales have granted me some freedom to dip while traveling. Talk about crave time. Idle at the wheel mile after mile is not good. Not good at all.

I watch as my life time baseball hero Tony Gwynn dies of “Salivary Gland Cancer” at age 54. That’s too young. I know others have died younger; but at 54 Tony still had a lot of life to live and love to give. So do you. So do I.

I told you my wife found KTC. That was 100 days ago. She doesn’t understand addiction. For her pure will should be enough, She has a ton of will. I think KTC helped her understand that chewing was not just a real addiction but a difficult one to quit. She is still concerned I may cave again. I broke her heart and trust too many times. I can tell you right now as I sit here on the eve of my 100th day listening to the waves break on the Oregon Coast that I am 100 days nic free. Do I crave? Yes. But I crave freedom even stronger now, To know I have nothing to hide, that I’m doing the right thing for my wife and kids and for myself is so much more a way better buzz than any poisonous sick nic dip could ever be. Let freedom ring my friends. Good Bye Hurricane!

Here’s to my BAQ’s who stuck by me. I may not have been the most active on here; but I read a lot. All your posts, bitchen, moanin, whinin, praising and encouraging selves. I know I was late posting a few times, I’m a busy man, I apologize for some tardiness. In all seriousness though, a sincere thanks for KTC and the Phalanx!!!!

Here’s to my wife, for loving me enough to put up with my “can” of crap all these years. I love you Renee and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you nic free!

WYAT
With You All Today,

Mitchell

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member Mitchell

Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply