Today marks 100 days from the last time that I chose to poison my own body. For those of you who know me, it’s been a hell of a ride. Those of you that don’t, let me tell you my story, and hopefully you can take something away. If it helps you quit, it was all worth it.. Here it goes.
I’m 21 years old, and have a 3 year old son, and a son on the way, with my beautiful bride. I dipped 2 cans a day for about 3 years. I didn’t dip as long as a lot of guys on the site, but long enough to know it was enough. I chose to quit dipping on February 17th 2011. Wasn’t planning on quitting, just stumbled upon Kill The Can, and on the Chat, and in chat lone behold, Gator and Frazzled (those names will be important later). After a little bit of time talking to them, and them telling me that there was no reason to keep putting it off, and if I kept putting it off, I wouldn’t ever quit. So I dumped the can and didn’t look back. I had all of the normal craves for the first 45 days or so, some good days, some bad days, and everything in between. Here is where my story really begins…
On day 45 I lost my job, the job that I started dipping at 3 years ago. I was told one day that I could quit or I was going to be fired. I was way stressed, we’d already been messed up financially before that, and didn’t know what I was going to do now. Then on day 50, my wife (pregnant 25 weeks) told me that she was having some really bad abdominal pain. We called the Doctor, and he suggested that we go to the Labor and Delivery department to get checked out. We went in just to make sure that the baby was ok, but her pain in her abdomen got progressively worse… They decided to keep her over night. The next day they ran some tests, and they were all inconclusive. They decided to keep her another night to do some additional tests, once again, inconclusive. Daily they did more tests, and her pain got worse and worse. 7 weeks later… here we are, day 100 of my quit, they still don’t know why my wife is in so much pain, and are having trouble keeping it under control, everyday is a constant battle. I haven’t had a real nights sleep in 7 weeks, I’ve been sleeping on a cot, I haven’t even seen the inside of my own house for 2 ½ weeks, and when I did, it was just to grab more clothes, and I’m sitting on a hospital bed as I write this. Thankfully I did find a job, but to keep up all the bills and make sure everything stays normal for my wife when she comes home, I work 2 jobs. So I work 65+ hours per week, and am at the hospital the rest of the time. My wife has been in unbareable pain for the last 7 weeks, and has been on a constant stream of Narcotics. We found out today that they are going to deliver our son in a week. We also found out that once he is born, we won’t be able to hold him, or really see him. He will immediately be sent to the NICU and be there for 4-5 weeks as he goes through the withdrawls from the Narcotics my wife has been on for the last 7 weeks.
Needless to say, this has been a real test of my quit. There were many a times that I wanted to have a dip. But then I would think, “What is that going to do? How is that going to help my wife? How is that going to help my son?” It’s not, is the answer you were looking for. So people who say they have personal issues, and that’s why they caved? Are weak… That’s an excuse, and a sorry one at that. There is no PERSONAL ISSUE that you can go through that Dipping is going to solve. I promise you that.
So all of you New guys who are reading this, Trust the site. It works. I was a little hesitant at first, wasn’t sure what to think about the whole thing. As time went on I came to realize why we do what we do, we post roll as a promise, as Men and Women, if we don’t have our word, we have nothing. And as I was going through this, I had unbelievable support from fellow quitters. There are a couple in specific who really took the time to help and make sure that I was keeping up on my quit and that I was going to make it through this hard time ok. You will make friends, and brothers, that are closer than most of your real family, and would probably DIE for you… Literally. If you are a Young Guy like myself, please please please beware of the 2 traps that are set before you:
1. You will feel invincible
2. You will see the guys on this site, who have dipped for 25 or more years, and you will think to yourself, “I can dip for at least another 10 and still be fine”.
Please don’t buy into either of those lies. Those are 2 of the challenges that you will have as a Young Quitter, that alot of guys don’t have… They are total lies, and just a trap to get you to fall back into killing yourself.
So I hope you were encouraged by this, I hope it helps your quit, I hope it helps you realize that no matter what you go through, dipping isn’t going to do anything for you. It’s only going to make the situation worse. And I’m not saying I have it harder than any quitter ever, I’m sure there are people who have had, and will have, it worse than I did during this process. But I hope you are encouraged, and if you ever try to justify a cave with, “Personal Issues” you think about what I’ve said… Keep Quit! I appreciate your prayers for my wife and son, as we still have quite a long road ahead of us… And as my quit battle continues… EYES ON 200 now!
My promise: To post everyday til day 200…
Frazzled: Bro, You were there from Day 1, and you’ve been there for me since my wife went in to the hospital. You’ve set up such a support system for me it’s unbelievable. Thank you so much bro. I truly am blessed by your support
Florida Luke: Dude, You’ve text me every day since my wife went into the hospital to make sure she was ok, and that there wasn’t anything that I needed. And without fail, checked up on me every day if I had a late post, or no post…
Gator: Thanks for being that first push over the line. Showing me that prolonging my quit wasn’t going to do anything. And following me, even with your own issues.
CopeHater: Thanks for being there in chat to make sure that I was doing ok. And for setting up what you did… (You know what I mean) You and Frazz are amazing Brothers.
And GOD. My name means, “Glory to God Alone” in latin. I can tell you all day long that it was other quitters help, and the support of the site that kept me quit. And that’s true, but GOD is the only reason I’m still quit. He deserves all the Glory, he used the site and these other quitters to literally SAVE MY LIFE.
Thank you Everyone on KTC… the QUIT IS ONLY BEGINNING. Remember guys, “Winners Keep Score”. If you are gonna beat the NIC… know where you stand, and know that you can always fall, no matter how high up you are.
– Solei Deo Gloria