The Caver – All Groups Have Them

FailureEach new group has its share of people caving. And it can be unsettling to a new quitter. It can be a person who has only one day quit or a veteran with hundreds of days quit. Whichever it is your emotions early on are weird enough and a cave and reaction to that can be very disturbing. Early in my quit all of the caving I saw was really bothering me, my Emotions ranged from fear to confusion and all the turmoil was certainly not helping me. So I wanted to send a post out to all the new people who may be thinking what I was.

I was so early in my quit I was scared I did not have what it took to remain quit; and watching all these people fail around me made that fear worse. I knew quitting would be hard but maybe quitting was going to be more than I was capable of. Then I would see the vets cave, guys with hundreds of days, and I would think to myself why bother. If you get that far along you should be able to stay quit right? But as my time on this site grows and I see more people beating this addiction my thoughts on this subject have started to change. So here is my two cents.

To start with each cave can be broken down to a choice. No matter what the reasons used in the addicts mind nobody opened the can and put the dip in for them. It was their choice to go back to the can, the reason is a good one, one they can justify if you will just listen! Life was just too hard, it was a reward, whatever the reason; it made enough sense in their head to throw away their quit to that point. We are all addicts, addicted to a powerful, chemically enhanced drug, many of us for decades. You need to admit that first and realize our minds will try to tell us anything to give our bodies the “fix” back. Our minds will lie repeatedly; trying to figure out the one thing it can get you to believe to open the can just “one more time”.

You see your quit brothers/sisters caving. You see people in other groups caving and it scares the shit out of you, as it did me, and you wonder if you can do this? I am here to tell you yes you can but there are some things you need to know:

First of all you have to fight for your quit every day!! There is no magic number that makes it all go away. Stay vigilant posting, it worked so far, why do you want to change it? Leaving the site, getting relaxed, half-ass posting roll; all roads you do not want to go down. If you could quit this shit on your own you would not be here! YOU CAN NEVER HAVE JUST ONE !!! 

Now onto the things you need to remember when a cave happens:

  1. Protect your quit first !
  2. You cannot save everyone that posts day one in your group.
  3. You can offer advice, support, brotherhood; but you CANNOT make someone else quit.
  4. There is NO ACCEPTABLE reason to cave !!!
  5. A caver cannot make you cave !!
  6. All of the turmoil you see around a cave MUST exist ! See item #4.
  7. Read all of the comments and replies for they have lessons for you to learn.
  8. This place can seem harsh at times, but the methods here WORK !!
  9. There is NO ACCEPTABLE reason to cave !!!

Feel bad for the people who cave if that helps you; get pissed at them if that helps you. Feel free to comment with everyone else if that helps you. All you can do is hope they come back someday when the veil of lies is removed and they too can enjoy the freedom you are living each day.

But above all when a cave happens: See item #1 and keep that shit outta your face !!!

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