I have held off a bit before posting my HOF Speech, because I wanted this to sink in a bit, but now it is time. I am sitting at 128 days QUIT today! I am amazed! November 16th 2015 I QUIT. My early dip rage ran freely across the boards!! Below is an example (this was about 2 weeks after my QUIT date):
“Shane – Out of curiosity, did you start your quit, or are you still quit? I am an addict of Nicotine for 22 years. From my perspective, I have no idea why I started, no idea of what/if anything it was medicating, or even how addicted I was. But .. I was a slave to Nicotine. I love to be angry at Nicotine!!!! I think we have 100% every right to be ANGRY at Nicotine!! Now, I do agree with the fact that sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. But come on .. if we are being “honest” Nicotine is addictive. For whatever reasons, we tried it. Our body liked it, and now that we opened our mouth to the nasty crap and gave it a taste … it wants more nicotine… EVERYDAY. I am PISSED it was available for me to try, I am PISSED that I still crave it, I am PISSED for the time it has taken from me from my family. YES, I HAVE A HEART FULL OF HATRED FOR NICOTINE!!! To keep my quit .. I wake up each morning, and acknowledge that even though I am quit, I am still an addict. I make a commitment of No Nicotine (in any form) for today. I worry about tomorrow, tomorrow … but I know I will always be PISSED at Nicotine (symptom or not)! It makes me smile to know, the Nicotine Bitch will not have my freedom today!”
I started out dipping in high school hanging out with my buddies. Over the last 23 years I have all but mastered the art of ninja dipping. The only time I didn’t have a dip in would be when I was either eating or sleeping (although I had dipped doing both before at one point or another). Nicotine is a BEAST of a habit! It had its grips on me so tight, I NEVER thought I could break free. It blinded me in such a way that I could not see light of freedom. I hated to dip, but my brain was always focused on my next nicotine fix.
November 16, 2015 …. I found KTC. I did not register, but only started reading through the boards. I began to read that my story was not unique, and I REALIZED I WAS AN ADDICT! Being an addict never crossed my mind before. That day, I took all but one can and flushed them down the drain. My addict mind kept that one can to give myself an out! Over the next week I went through HELL! I kept reading, I was in a fog, my brain quit working, my fingers went slow, I was filled with anxiety … (I can go on and on here ..). I hated life at that point and was ready to give up on my QUIT .. It was too much for me on my own! I decided to register and start posting roll around day 8 (still without nicotine), and on that day … I flushed the final can I had hidden. At first I had to figure out how to post roll. I started thinking posting roll every day is weird and childish. What is the point in this? I don’t know any of these guys/gals … why would they care if I post roll or not. Couldn’t I just do this on my own better? BUT … I did it! Everyday I posted roll! I started to help with SSOA, and then starting busting some chops for those guys that were not on roll! Some days, we had drama on the boards … Some days I would start drama on other month’s board … just to get out my dip rage! My quit journey has been a roller coaster ride. I still have craves, I am still an ADDICT, but today I am QUIT! I like to say that “everyday on the QUIT is a good day … some are just better than others!” I am very thankful for KTC, because I know I could NEVER have QUIT on my own. Everyone on the boards have had some role to play in keeping me quit. From watching a vet like Syndrome post above the line with us every day, to having to call out (almost daily) our biggest slacker of the group (at the time) Mitch. I also gained a friend in our group (Remickulous) of whom I have the deepest respect for. He was the first to get the attention of my foggy brain in the early days, and I continue to look up to him as a true bad ass in our group! Our entire Feb 16′ group are some tough guys of whom I am proud to be a part of.
I know I am rambling, but not very many words could really express how I feel at this point in my QUIT. I sort of feel like William Wallace in Brave Heart, and want to shout out ….. F-RRR-EEEEEEEEEEE-DDDOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!! If you are reading this and thinking about making the decision to QUIT … DO IT! I can not promise you it is a fun process, but it is one I know you can get through, one day at a time! How? Because I did it! I would HAVE NEVER, EVER thought 128 days ago I would be nicotine free! I AM NEVER GOING BACK! TODAY I AM QUIT!!! Make sure you get your name on roll today. Look me up tomorrow, and let’s do another +1! I AM PROUD TO QUIT WITH YOU TODAY! I will always be an addict!
(WW the CAPS are for you buddy)