Well, this story will go much like others HOF speeches have gone before, but I thought I would share with you all, my story. It will be long, but I hope it will be worth the read, and help someone down the line.
December 2006, the first day I made a shit (more like the worst) decision that would cost me a lot in my life. I am not sure what day it was, but in December of 2006, I took my first dip. It was with my good friend Adam at work, who dipped like there was no tomorrow. I was frustrated about a test at college I did poorly on, and he offered me a pinch of his beloved Grizz Straight Longcut. Now I am not a person that has done any illegal drugs, but when you hear about how people get that first rush/buzz/euphoria and are hooked, that is exactly what happened to me. I took that pinch of cat shit, packed it in my lip, and rode the buzz train for the next 20 minutes. To say the least, the nic bitch dug her claws into me, and took hold of my life.
The crazy progression of how nicotine will affect your life, or how it at least affected my life is CRAZY! After my first dip, I went to dipping Red Man in the pouch and could make a pouch last two weeks. That soon turned into a pouch a week. I then got tired of carrying around the “big” pouch, and switched to Red Man in the can. That went from two cans a week, to a can a day. I progressed up the price scale and settled on Skoal Wintergreen Longcut. I packed that shit in my lip day in and day out (at a can a day) until 2010, that is when I met my future wife for the first time.
Early in our relationship, she knew I chewed and to say the least, didn’t like it. We dated for about six months before she gave me the “Quit or we are done speech.” So, I did… But you are probably wondering how long did that last???
Well, all of two days. TWO FUCKING DAYS! I am so embarrassed by having to write that down. Well in my crazy addict mind, I thought, “You can still chew, just hide it from her, she will never know.” That is when my professional Ninja Dipper Self came out of the proverbial closet, and started dipping Grizz Wintergreen Pouches. And so the story went from 2010 to early 2017. Just ninja dipping all day long, can a day, turned into 2 cans a day, and work started to get more stressful, and finally I reached the 3 CANS A FUCKING DAY for the last 2 years of my dip career. Again, having to write that down makes me feel like such a piece of shit.
Well as any Ninja Dipper knows, you WILL ALWAYS GET CAUGHT, no matter how good you are. February 2017, I am up late getting the “One last dip” in for the night, and the wife comes to the living room looking for some “Sexy Time.” I have my headphones in, watching YouTube videos on my phone, when the lights pop on. She catches me with two pouches in the bottom lip, and a half full spitter between my legs. Biggest fight ever, and her trust is lost in me is GONE, as rightfully it should be. I mean I fucking lied to her for 7 FUCKING YEARS! What a fucking piece of shit addict I was, and I still feel bad about it to this day, and probably always will.
Well the next day when we both cooled down, we had a talk about how I needed to quit pronto. I tried on my own cold turkey and it didn’t work. I tried on my own with nic gum and patches, and it didn’t work. I kept caving every couple of days and I was losing faith that I would be able to quit. I went back to dipping full time at work, and no longer at home. Back to 3 cans a fucking day. I mean at this point damn near every gas station near my work grabbed a roll of Grizz for me when they saw me walk in the door. I was on a bad spiral in the wrong direction and losing my wife one dip at a time.
Then on August 1st, 2017, for some reason I stumbled upon this website, KillTheCan.org. Holy fuck, finally a website where guys like me were present and understand how fucking hard it is to quit this evil shit. I dug in deep that day and read damn near everything on the site. I thought this just might work for me. I went home that night and showed the wife, and she was excited for me to give it a shot.
August 2nd, 2017, my Day 1. I posted and gave my promise. For some reason, this promise helped me get through my first day nicotine free. I had blown my trust in my word with my wife, but to these total strangers on KTC, my promise was as good as gold.
By writing, “MTHunter – Day 1 – No nicotine for me today. Thanks for the support!”, these strangers took my word, that for 24 hours, there is no way in hell MTHunter is going to let the Nic Bitch in his life. It was hard, but on August 3rd, 2017 when I got into work, I had made it 24 hours nic free. I posted my Day 2, and knew that I had to honor my word for another 24 hours.
And so, this string of One Day At A Time, is how I am choosing to live my life. The strangers on some crazy forum I stumbled upon, have now turned into my brothers and sisters of KTC. I trust them all (even Broc!) and I would do damn near anything for them. The ABQ of November 2017 is my little place to escape how shitty life can be, and my place to post my promise each day. I have had cravings and I have felt like buying a can and caving more times than I can count. But each day I remember that I gave my promise to the ABQ and the KTC world that for the next 24 hours, there is no way in hell I am caving and breaking my promise.
My marriage is back on track and it truly is so relieving to not have to hide my Ninja Dipping Piece of Shit Addict Self from my wife anymore. The addict will always be there in me and I now know that the only way to keep The Addict and The Nic Bitch away from the light, is for me to get on KTC each day and post my promise. Just like all the Vets will tell you:
One Day At A Time, make that promise guys/gals, and keep your word.
That is really the only way to Kill The Can.