Day 108 of my quit, i was not going to write a HOF speech. Why you ask? because at the end of my 24hr ODAAT i am just another addict quit. I am not special because i made it to 100 days and its not why i Joined KTC.
(But if it helps even 1 soul get on roll its worth the effort)
I started dipping just like every one else did, with one bad decision as a young boy. The when, where, and why is of little importance after you stack years of poison in you lip. For me it was 14 years but even if it was 3 days it would have been to many. Nicotine controls all aspects of your life and if you look back its amazing what a addict will do and pry to make sure their lip is stacked and packed.
My aunt died of lung cancer at the age of 42! I was 18 and i remember everyone in the family vowing a oath to quit smoking and dipping. Out of the 6 of us that made vows to quit after seeing what cancer and chemo can do to the human body, and someone so young, Guess how many actually quit? As of now, just me, 12 years later! That’s how powerful nicotine is! yea the death was hard but not hard enough for any of us to give up our precious habit like we vowed. One more day than ill quit, just another dip and ill toss the can, if i dip less it wont matter to others as much. ill never get cancer and i can quit anytime i really feel like it any how. Addict speak is crazy powerful.
Nicotine will always win if you let a addict decide. The self talk and justification we give ourselves is impressive and embarrassing all in the same instances. Stopping is easy, Quitting is hard! There is a difference and until you come to terms with which side of the fence you are on you will always fail! KTC is the gate to the Fence on freedom and give you that chance to quit for good! Brotherhood + accountability= Success. 2020 came at me like a angry bull! A pandemic, unemployment, broken appliances at home, wife left, scrapping to pay bills, grandmother and her sister died 2 weeks apart ( could not see and say goodbye in hospital because of covid), broken foot, covid hit my nursing home 2 months of full PPE and lots of Death!, and got covid right before Christmas and spent it alone. You would think i had every reason and excuse to keep on killing myself slowly.
All that lead me to my quit day Wednesday Dec. 30th 2020. I sat at my work desk bitter and angry as i reflected on the year i just had. I looked up at the clock, which said 9 AM, and i smacked my right pocket where my can was. I pulled it out and seen it was half full. My addict mind immediately started calculating how far that was gonna get me and i new i was going to have to skip lunch so i could go the the gas station and get 2 more cans to get me to Friday. Calculating, that again Friday, i would need another 3 cans to get me though the weekend. Those last 2 thoughts brought a rage and anger towards nicotine i have never felt up to that point. Fuck 2020 and fuck this can i always have to track down! i was sick and tired of being sick and tired, so i googled withdraw symptoms.
Which like most lead me to KTC, i knew that day i would never dip again. At 30 years old i was not gonna waste another second or year on that shit and was leaving a shitty habit behind with a shitty year. I posted roll with a foggy brain and spent 10 full days reading Everything on this site that i could. I was skeptical of sharing my digits because i didn’t want full accountability in case my addict mind needed a out. Big shout out to @chris2alaska for giving me that encouraging push and well “If you stick around the barber shop long enough sooner or later your gonna get a hair cut”. I jumped all in, drank all the kool-aid and have been giving my all to myself first and my group second! I got here because of quitters like @Freddi who texted me everyday and answered all my panic and worried questions that all new quitters ask themselves (those first weeks really do feel like the end of the world). My quote brother @stillbrewing whos text rang through bright and early every morning, reminding my confused brain to WUPP. A big part of my quit came in the Wildcard section of this site! I spent hours there to distract my stupid pickle brain and much love to all the wildcard CREW! to of you bastards to tag but you know who you are. I would advise all new quitters there to help in your quit journey. Lot of different personality’s here , but another big shout out to @Keith0617 @Thefranks5 and @EXBEARHAG , you guys rock the intro section and when i first quit and your kindness and encouragement has not gone unnoticed. You guys are Bas Ass Grade A++ quitters.
God bless the vets here that care about others quits sometimes more than their own. Guys like @worktowin, @GS9502, @Athan, and many many more that are the brick and mortar of KTC. Thanks Admins and mods for giving people a place to save their lives (we cant repay you all rock). Last but no way least , To my Thunderbird Bros. i hope i lead you all to stay quit! Its been a battle but we made it! @All1n and @USMC_Ham were my life support in the battle of life and death those first 5 weeks. Its nice Knowing others are going through the same suck and its not just you going crazy. Shout out to @Wolfe68 , @Ampete , @macattack , and @railpilot some of yours guys texts and conversations really pulled me out of some of those deep fogs and agitation days. Though we may not have texted or talked much, the rest of the T-bird crew has deepened my quit weather in PM talks or on the group page we got a awesome group of quittin’ some bitchin’ fools for sure.
If you take anything away from this take this…. One Day At a Time, Breath! quitting is crazy hard but Cancer is harder. Get on roll and connect with your group and the vets. Building accountability is the anti-virus to the Nic bitch. Its worth it! You Feel a little better each day, i promise! Do yourself a favor and drink Ass loads of water (fish should be jealous of you). Exercise in any form allows your chemically confused brain some dopamine, which in turns pulls you out of some of those dark days. Ride that Suck wave like you own it, There is no silver bullet or cure in those first few weeks. Yes it sucks, we all know and have been there once, reach down and grab a pair and man up for the fight. 100 days is not your goal or the end! Its merely a day where you are a little bit better and actually have all the tools now to start your quit for eternity. 100 days is the beginning not the end to put it simple. Last but not least 70s funk is the real deal folks and its when i need my text and phone call the most. Its why KTC works!
~Nick-LTBE-LET Today Be Enough~ Yesterday is long gone tomorrow may never come, But Today, Today is Enough!