He was my friend. Or at least I thought he was my friend. I thought we would always be together. Until my separation from him 100 days ago, we would do everything together, go everywhere together. You could say he and I were inseparable. Two peas in a pod they‘d say.
He was there at weddings and funerals. We never missed a family reunion. He was there at the birth of my daughter and has been present during every event that she and I have shared together. Softball and basketball games; he was there when I escorted her at homecoming last year. If you look closely enough at the pictures, you will see us.
He also showed up during the family Christmas picture last year. And then, of course, during the unwrapping of presents. I never went anywhere or did anything without him. And yes, ashamedly, I mean everything. You name it, we did it together.
There were camping, fishing and hunting trips. Vacations every year. He’s been to church with me, even has given a few speeches with me along the way. As long as I had him tucked into his little place on the left side of my cheek, everything was good.
He had been with me so long that I no longer would have to spit. I would merely absorb him. I lost count of how many times we fell asleep together. I got real good at disguising him and hiding him from those I wouldn’t want to know.
But no more, I’ve put him on the road for good. You see, our friendship turned into a love affair that ran interference in every part of my life. I have broken off this abusive relationship for personal and professional reasons. I will never allow him back. He was no friend, after all. He was and still is a parasite.
For 25 years I have been an nicotine addict. And I will continue to be an addict. I’ve chosen not to participate anymore. I quit “cold turkey” with the help of peppermint candy and cow tales and the good folks at KTC. I quit for me.
I needed to demonstrate discipline to myself. I am now a big deal, to me.
Thanks to bman who befriended me the first night I found KTC and has checked on me periodically. Thanks to quit aug 27 for checking in when I was traveling and couldn’t post regularly. And thanks to Theo who really pissed me off by calling me out because of irregular posting during days 50 – 70. I was traveling! But being called out energized me to sprint to the 100 day mark. And here I am.
I’m getting used to the new me who has never been without nicotine to cope with day to day problems. This part of my journey is still very new as I reprogram my synapses to find other ways to cope. As an adult, I never been without nicotine. The journey isn’t ending, it’s just beginning.
And by the way, if you bump into this so-called friend, tell him I’ve moved on and not interested.