Better Late Than Never

mrlentz avatarI remember signing up here like it was yesterday. I didn’t think I’d last a week. I quit 49 days by myself – by far the furthest I’d ever gone – and I didn’t need anything outside of me to get more. I finally had motivation – hatred of the plant. I didn’t think posting a public promise would match with my introvert self. Really I found the site looking for quit statistics and stuck around because I found it interesting. I thought it was a passing thing.

Im a dad. Like many here, I promised Id quit when I graduated. When I got married. When I had kids. What finally got me right was hearing my son ask for dip. At fucking 4 years old. What an asshole I was to expose him to this. I couldn’t do it any more. So I quit. But I did it myself, right?

Nope. HERE IS THE KICKER. Even after nine weeks solo, and even after hearing my kid ask for dip, I would have caved to the fucking plant. In an instant. You see, I often work 24-hour plus shifts. And nicotine is a stimulant that keeps me up, focused, and able to earn money to support my dream life and family.

I didn’t cave. I didn’t leave the site like I expected to. And the reason why can be boiled down to three letters. Gas. Gas was one of my quit brothers. That’s a phrase you hear often early in quit and cannot believe. It certainly did not apply to me. I quit by me, for me, found my own way here, and didn’t need anyone else to quit.

I didn’t let anyone in. I never have before. But that bastard snuck his way in with funny memes. And a random text message with absolutely no ulterior motive on January 14 2017 saved my life.

You see, I had had it with this site. Sure, it offers humor and support. But after a while it your group loses “verve” and gets repetitive. At this time, I hadnt read of or thought about the pendulum of quit or other insights focused on paying it forward. I had simply lost faith with my December group and was deciding whether or not to leave the site.

The sole reason I did not leave the site is a text message I got that day from Gas. An innocent one, just checking on me. But that brought home the fact that my actions actually affected others here. And it opened me to deeper relationships on the site.

Gas you are one of my closest friends, and I believe you saved my life. Thank you. Decembros and texters, you have enhanced that feeling. And Harvest, it took your touch to bridge the initial connection and make it a relationship. Finally, the Cult. My hope is that you never know what you missed, and that you have only earned a third leg because of the vagaries of fate.

So what is the final message here: Go the extra mile. You have no idea what the one email or text you send will mean. Brotherhood and Accountability, but also faith and love. Thank you KTC.

NOTE: This piece written by KillTheCan.org forum member mrlentz

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