So, where to start? Prior to 100 days ago, I didn’t know any of you. I didn’t know KTC existed. Most days I felt like I would probably just dip for the rest of my life. I’d probably have some cancer scares. I keep it hidden from my family. I might even die from it. In hindsight, it’s really hard to believe that C14H10N2 (nicotine), could have that much of stronghold over my life. I was literally willing to die for it. WTF! That sounds so ridiculous to even say now, but prior to 100 days ago, it seemed to make perfect sense in my poisoned little mind. There was no big scare or real reason that I finally made my mind up to quit. No kids. No wife. No health scares. Mostly, I was just sick of spending the money and being a slave to nicotine.
So, I put down the can on December 9, 2010. I wanted to find something, anything online that would get me through those first few weeks. What I found was perhaps the most valuable, worthwhile Google search I’ve ever ran. I entered the chat one night. I’d be lying if I said that I remembered everyone that was in there. You know how it is. Your brain doesn’t seem to want to work right those first few days. NOLAQ was there. He greeted me. Told me how to get signed up, how to post roll, and how important it was to keep my word. At first, I didn’t know if I was going to make it, but I followed the advice of those who had come before me. I stayed close to the site. I read the stories. I read the different suggested quit groups. I looked at cancer pictures. Those damned cancer pictures steered me away from the can several times. I got numbers. I posted roll EVERY day, without fail. I had to text it in a few times, but I gave my word. I hung out in chat and got to know some fellow quitters.
Thanks Klark, Tarp, Gheytor, RT, and of course, all of you in March. If I forgot someone, well, tough shit. I can’t remember all of you bastards. The fact that I sure as hell don’t want to have to face any of you had I caved or should I ever cave drove my quit and continues to drive my quit.
For any new quitter that ever reads this, remember: Caving is not an option, ever. It’s not even on the table. The option to cave doesn’t exist. I say that it doesn’t exist, BUT that doesn’t mean that you can stop being vigilant. Don’t ever forget that you were an idiot for doing it before, and you’d be an even bigger fucktard should you ever decide that it’s a good idea to start again. Don’t forget those first 4 or 5 days.
Also, I want to mention my Dad. Thanks to all of you who kept him in your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate it immensely. For those that don’t know the story, my Dad had a pretty bad car wreck on the eve of my HOF date. He fractured a vertebra in his neck, and had to be flown to another hospital. Fortunately, he’s made it through alright with no long term problems. The reason I mention this is to remind you how close you need to keep your quit. The minute I heard that he was in rough shape and needed to be flown for potential surgery, two things crossed my mind. For one: are he and my Mom, going to be alright; and secondly, “Protect my Quit”. Even in times of struggle and stress, you can never forget how important your quit is.
There’s no doubt in my mind that without you and the site, I’d still be stuffing my lip, like an idiot. Thanks again. Now, onto the next day. Remember kids, you don’t have to quit forever. You’re going to die way before that.